Forget Regret, Or Life Is Yours To Miss

See, theres one little problem with that statement. Regret is all I have right now. Well, regret and anger and hurt and all that other stuff. But mostly, regret.
I know the people who this is about will probably end up reading it, and it'll either give them another reason to be mad at me or help them understand my side.
I'm hoping the latter, but who can say?
Anyway, its harder now then ever. I had a much needed talk with him, but much needed for me is different then what he needed I suppose. I gather this because as soon as I hung up, it was all over, and things were different then what we had talked about. I knew it would happen, doesn't mean I liked it, but I knew it would happen.
Then I talked to her. And that went well, I guess, because she's not still mad at me, if she ever was. Yet I don't know that she really understand what this is like. I don't know what I want to happen, but I know two things. They like each other, and thats the end of that, and apparently its my fault that he doesn't like me anymore.
All I did was try to be his friend. Didn't it occur that it might be hard? I feel bad, because I can be a big person and admit that I am at fault in this, huge fault even, because I didn't treat him as well as I would've hoped. It was getting better, but him being mad about it, I guess thats to be expected. Anyway, I thought last night we were friends again, or getting there, but I have no idea now. And yeah, I hope they're happy. I hope they have a wonderful flippin' life. But I really just..cried all friday night, and then Sandra came to my rescue on Saturday morning. That was wonderful, and hilarious (just so everybody knows, the Golden Compass does NOT start at 12:55). But once I got home, is was right back to crying. I haven't felt like this before, and I hate it more then anything. Because I feel miserable.
Its probably a good thing Sandra took me out of the house yesterday, because apparently they were hanging out all day at one of my other friends house's and that would've come to bit me in the butt earlier then it did.

Anyway, I could continue my woeful saga, but I have church.
Finish later.

misery misery misery misery

Now its all a matter of....WHERE THE HECK DO I TURN?!

table talk

Its wonderful, after a tough day and even tougher nights, to just forget everything and laugh. Laugh like your drunk, and about things that you know everyone thinks but would never say. Just like...a flat out laugh till you cry girl stuff talk.

Real girl stuff.

It was so much fun. I mean, granted, it was an NHD meeting. But NHD? Productive? Ahahaha. You have to be kidding.

take only photographs, leave only footprints

So, it was back to the real world today. I don't think I like the real world much.
Here goes my rant.

Okay, so to start, I couldn't sleep last night. Then of course come the great, you have to get up early you need to sleep oh now i'm thinking about it i won't get to sleep ahhhhh i need sleep cry cry scream scream....okay minus the screaming crying fit. But we all know the feeling. This morning went relativly okay, except for some sadish feelings about going back to school and, well, other things. So I get to school and get pounded with Mr.Mark math, then third I had english where she jumped right back into the insane method that she has of assigning things and the random homework that just piles and piles....

But basically, it was okay after that. Until seventh period. When while sight reading some strange a capella spanish piece with the womens choir, bllod drips onto my hand. Great, just my luck, another flippin' nose bleed. To which i proceded to dive for the hall pass, totally blowing off trying to make a rapid excuse to Mr.Clark, and began my sure to be humiliating walk down the cafeteria hallway. Which just happens to be the only way to get to the bathroom. Of course, theres girls in the bathroom, did i expect anything else? An ounce of luck? Silly me.
Anyway, dove for a stall, and spent about twenty minutes making my regular niagra falls of a nose quit. Gross? No kidding, I was there.

I gave up on trying to look like nothing happened, and walked back through the hallway to the chorus room for the last ten minutes of the period. I figured my eigth period class would be easy, i mean, come on. Its a sub, the day after break. No worries, right?

Wrong. Again.

So the overly-perky sub bouces around chirping something about an attendance sheet, blah blah blah and the movie we're going to watch...blah blah blah. Eventually he stopped talking and turned the lights out, so what else would freshman do but start talking? And laughing and taking pictures with their cell phones and comparing ipods and being...freshman. Basically doing anything but watching the movie. Now I don't really care, I mean, its not like the movie from three chapters ago actually matter, but my stomach was empty except for blood which made it hurt like heck and everyone around me is being loud and talkitive and I wasn't exactly in a people mood due to...well, you know all that. Doesn't help that the one person in that class I might've talked to was busy talking to a couple of girls right behind me, and I don't know that I wanted to talk anyway.

So, because theres no point in even attempting to make today better, I will be on IM tonight while doing homework and possibly watching episode....seven I think i'm on, but maybe six.....of Kyle XY.

Life is good? Sometimes. But today, life stinks. I can't wait to go to bed.





Oh, well, okay. I do have one thing to look foward to. I get to sleep over at Sandra's soon, and then scrap, so that should be fun. :)

So how was it?

Christmas came fast...but it left even faster. Oh, so said the things we go through. Anyway, how was everybody's Christmas? If you didn't know, I got a Wii. Its sooo totally amazing. I love it, and I love Mario Galaxy and Sims Castaway and Wii play and obviously Wii sports. Oh, and I got a scrapbooking tote and Kyle XY (thats thing 1 and thing 2....i mean sisters.)And a sweater that I love and gloves and an amazing scarf and I got an Idog and this hilarious stationary set that is all about women and keeping each other posted. Also, my aunt is going to teach me to knit, and I got an Idog.

Life's Good. And not because of the presents. I got to spend so much time with my family, and my mom was home from work which means alot, and it was amazing.

How was yours?

My Musical Prodigy of a Friend

I'm just blown away, so I thought I'd share.
Remember Tom? That kid I talked about? Yeah, well, he plays piano. Not that just saying "he plays piano" does it justice. He breaths piano, and he's absolutly wonderful. Theres music, and then theres just....woahhhh music. Like this.



Yup. I swear thats him. And the best part? He wrote it. He wrote it!!!
Oh my god. Isn't it insane?!

Being excited only counts when actions back it

First off, I'd like to close my last post with a "WE HAVE A GORGEOUS TREE AND IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS". I feel like I went through a treatment center or something, but we decorated the tree and listened to christmas music for like twenty hours straight and now, finally, I can feel the long awaited Christmas feeling in the air all around me.
Now, I have alot to talk about with teh church school pageant next year, but lets just sum it up with an "I voleenteered to be in charge next year and I plan on making it big". I would go all into the deatails I'm working out in my head only so far, but we're going to see National Treasure now and times a wasting. I can't wait to see this movie, like you have no idea.

Next In Line: Sweeney Tod