Cape Cod baybay

Cape Cod is amazing. Its such a cool place, it really is like a hidden little.....place. Thats cool. =)

But anyway...Kerianne is sitting right next to me watching everything I type so...gosh darn I can't talk about her. Oh well. I guess I'll say the classic...she's amazing, she makes me laugh, she actually appreciates it here...
NO, I really do mean it! And more importantly, I'd like to document exactly how amazing its been. Last night, we got here at like...eight thirty ish. We walked into the house (which is adorable) and found our room with its bunk bed and set up. I will admit to might slight obsession with making everything all perfect, but thats okay because I enjoy it. Then we went to the beach to see the lighthouse, which is breathtaking at night when the lights on, and we saw the biggest waves we've ever seen. I hear this is unusual for Cape Cod, but I'm not lying I swear they were like tall.....curling easily like stomach height. It was epic. And then we were both thinking we kept seeing something but it would just disappear. Later my parents came down and said they saw a seal and then the fishermen who were on the beach said that if you watch when the lights hit the water you'd see them....and we did! Their red eyes would blink every time the light swung over. There they were, just chilling out and watching us. It was awesome.

Today we were to P Town. Its so cool to be in a place thats so accepting...and as shallow as it is...its quite entertaining. I saw so many like outwardly gay couples it was ridiculously cute. And cross dressers, and people with clothing painted on, and...like....20 rainbow flags in sight at any given time. Oh and we got a really cool kite that looks like an osprey that we're going to fly tonight. On the beach. How cool is that?

Tomorrow we're hitting the beach early...hopefully the water won't be too cold and we'll catch some wildlife. Then at four we'll be embarking on a seal watch, a two hour trip out to something island where theres supposedly a large number of seals. Should be cool.

SO thats the trip so far, for anyone who actually cares. =)

Burn The Land, Boil The Sea

So how is it that someone can distance themselves from their own lives? Just curious. Because I think its possible for someone to actually reform their life without making a premeditated attempt at it. I think that its possible for someone, more importantly, to pull themselves away from their surroundings. Maybe it comes from a lack of trust, or a lack of ability to open up. Maybe its simply a way to figure out who you are. I don't think its a bad thing, nessicarily, if you don't use it as an excuse. But when no one accepts who they are you have a huge mass of confused people who aren't willing to come to terms with their confusion. Lies and fights and drama of all sorts can come from that, wars and killing and everything else. Children accept so easily what adults try to push aside. They accept what they like and don't like, what feels right and what feels wrong, and who they are. Explain to me why in times like these, I'm starting to feel that Children are wiser then adults? Doesn't wisedom come from experience? I beg to differ. You know what I think comes from experiance? Innocence. You see, a good friend of mine opened my eyes one day to what innocence really is. Theres a fine line between innocence and ignorance, same as there is between being innocent and being naive. In her words "Innocence comes from how many times you've chosen not to give up". So in reality, you could experience hell, but chose to keep going, and therefore you would have a hope in the world. You would have innocence, as some call it. You would have faith that there was still something worth fighting for. And this leads me to my realization of the day. Theres still something worth fighting for. Theres still purpose. I can turn my life around with God's help and guidance and help to make things as they should be. My church, for example. Thank god for the people I have supporting me and the phone call that I had today, because I have a new hope for my church. Theres no doubt in my mind that what needs to be done will be done if I just open up and let God take over. Not to sound oversaved. And more importantly, I can enjoy my life! My time to myself! See, I've been struggling a lot lately, and the details aren't important, but now I can really be okay with it all! Theres no written out reason or logical explaination, its just, well, worrying is a waste of time. Lifes worth living.
Welcome to reality, love. Welcome to innocence.

I'd like to clear something up

My blogs aren't personal attacks. Ever. If I have a problem, I'll tell you. Its just the way to handle things. My blogs are me venting my thoughts. And when I blog about my church, I'm not targeting anyone. I just have things on my mind, and thats all.

For future reference, in all circumstances.

How I learned to stop worrying....

...and enjoy the bombard.

So, Summers winding down. Welcome, one and all, back to your real life of work and drama and the occasional riot.
Really? You're sending me back?
Actually though, part of me is excited. Yes I know, its a crazy and totally geeky point of view, but some consistincy might be nice. A schedule. A plan. Repition. And I'm fully aware that by the end of the year I'll curse those very words, but for now, life's getting crazy. I just got back from Pennsic, which as always, was amazing. It definately worked the same magic it did last year. Everything gets put in perspective, or at least, closer in general to where it should be. But its also made me think a lot. About my friends, my religion, my family, my habits, my past...everything. It brought up a lot of questions. Have you ever really gone through you're head? It can get kind of dark if you get deep enough. Not to say that you shouldn't. But theres some things I've come up with. For one, my church. I'm starting to struggle in my faith. And you know why? Because of the things that I have blogged about since day one. My church isn't what a church should be, plain and simple. We fight and stuff, sure, but tell me why everyone who said they'd be there left. Explain to me the logic in giving up on the youth and focusing all of our energies on the taking things back to where they were. Our church is dying, we're not going to just wake up one day and have a nice healthy church again. God works through us, not for us. Until someone who really is on fire with God gets into that church, well, its not going to get any better. I love my church, and I love my faith, and theres nothing anyone could do to take me away from that. But when church is one of the things I have to start suffering from instead of being the place that I can go to get away from the suffering, there's a problem. And until something changes, until we get somewhere, church will continue to turn into a negative word. Is that what God wants? I feel abandoned from my church, theres some amazing people that went there, but personal or not they aren't there now. They made a commitment, and promise, and whatever their reasons for leaving (and don't get me wrong, this is not to say i disagree or don't support some of them) it hurts. Because theres nothing left for me but a hope that things will get better. I mean, I'm losing the years I could be involved in a youth group fast. It could easily be something I just never have. But heres the kicker. I'm the smiley choir girl every sunday, I'm the one who holds out hope and won't leave, and I'll be the one who sits on the steps the day they shut the door for good, still parying, still hoping as hard as I can that I get to be a part of the church that God wants, the church that God planned for us to be.
Now onto more light hearted subjects, because life isn't all heavy.
Did I mention Pennsic was amazing?
I started watching firefly, another amazing Joss show, and I'm in love. It aired in 2002 but my sister had it on DVD and let me bring it home. Now that I'm done with Buffy, somethings got to occupy me. I leave for Cape Cod on Saturday, which should be good. I'm hoping. Things have just been tough lately with the going away. I can feel the time slipping through my hands, and I hate that feeling more then most. Its like I know when I come back they'll be a week left until school. And even though part of me is looking forward to it, I am a teenager, and well, I'm not exactly throwing a happy fit. It does bring school shopping, which would be exciting if it didn't cost money.
And of course, my boyfriend and I are still going strong. =)
So what gives?
I just want to know in advanced...whats school going to bring?
I'm going to see people I haven't talked to in a while, some by choice and some simply by distance, and I'm probably going to be a tad bit different. What can I say, they last two years haven't been my grandest, but I've certainly learned from them. The problem is that theres nothing in this year to look foward too, nothing that makes me want one more day to go by, except the lack of crazy crowded schedules. Makes it difficult to see people, esspecially male people, or rather male person, as in chris. But school brings the possibility of making that worse, plus work and homework and did I mention that I have a lot of reading and essays to do in the next two weeks? Just saying.

But maybe all I'm really doing is worrying. And whether or not theres anything to worry about, worrying is a waste of time. Because really, in the long run, it doesn't help either way.

So I guess that's that. I have a feeling I'll be blogging more, this was fun.