I'm taking you with me

So yeah. Today. Lousy. And okay. Mediocre I suppose. Cause, lets see, Persad was absent, which was nice because I didn't have to take the scale playing test/midterm. But of course I forgot my flute again so I didn't get to practice the scales tonight. So hopefully he won't be here tomorrow, or my lesson will be after fifth, or he'll cancel the playing texts til next week. Three options, I think my chances are pretty good. Still, was a semi boring semi obnoxious day. I have so much studying to do for next week, and then the week after is going to be no fun with the math regents. I just...hmmm...I think I've decided that I don't know what made this day good, because none of the issues are quite as blown over as I thought, though they are blowing over. The process is just taking more time then I thought....which is too much time and henceforth frustrating. Another mood killer is tension with my other best friend, which isn't nessicarily an issue but more a......ugh i really just wish we could ignore that and I hate this thing. But I take total blame, its not like I'm hurt or anything. And she's okay now, I hope. So to add I'm still exhausted and I just can't catch up. And I don't know if I'm going to the dance tomorrow even though part of me wants to a kinda of larger part of me doesn't but I would if I didn't have an obnoxious author study due. I can't do it like all weekend anyway, so I just....hmmm....this is all very confusterating. Its after nine thirty, and I'm really tired, and I'm ranting.


Do you want to know my thoughts right now? No, I don't think you do. But I'll tell you anyway. Heres my exhausted, confused and brain dead self thats surrounded by this cloud of dramatic...drama.....rant that I'm not thinking about at all but just typing.
WARNING: RUN-ON SENTENCES MAY OCCUR!

Okay so I think that this whole earth is like an entire planet of life forms that live on drama. Yeah, okay, so drama technically isn't food and really can't like keep anything real alive so maybe we're all unreal. Some of out daily rituals are, anyway. I mean, really, who wakes up BEFORE the sun to go to school and cram? We're not going to get anything out of the first seven classes anyway. Because by the time we wake up we're too tired to get focused and then we're just.....you get it. So basically I have a problem with waking up early that makes me think the whole world is fake. Unrealistic, like the realistic world of unrealism. So now, I'm deciding the early people...i forget the scientific name for them, had it right. No electricity means no waking up early. So why does electricity change that? Just because I can turn on the lights early doesn't mean its leagal. Its not a legitimate move in my 3945 page rule book. Publish date, TBA. Not really. I'd rather act then write. Not that I have a choice. I'd rather sing then act. But honestly I don't have a chance at any of all three so I'm just going to pretend. Dream world, which we've determined is more realistic then the real world, is alot nicer. But how can it be nicer if its realer? Is realer a word? I mean, doesn't the fact that I used it mean anything? It's now on the world-wide-web, so guess what, I've decided that...what ever the word i just used was...is now a real world.





Told you you didn't want to know. Goodnight.

Its chapped stick, and Chapped lips and things like chemistry

Life goes on, as I said. To all you who have followed my woeful saga, I'd like to tentatively say that I've...moved on.

...Now its late. I had lal intentions of this being a long post too. Ahh, well.

Your the only thing i want, cause your everything i need.

Moving on from this weekend's....perdicerment....
Is quite a relief.
Of course, its still hurting and daily getting worse with these little details.
But I think its not about getting over it, its about getting on with it.
So yeah, maybe I don't feel any better, but I'm getting stronger. Besides, arn't you supposed to do something like that in high school?
I don't know, I must have read that in a book or something. :)

Forget Regret, Or Life Is Yours To Miss

See, theres one little problem with that statement. Regret is all I have right now. Well, regret and anger and hurt and all that other stuff. But mostly, regret.
I know the people who this is about will probably end up reading it, and it'll either give them another reason to be mad at me or help them understand my side.
I'm hoping the latter, but who can say?
Anyway, its harder now then ever. I had a much needed talk with him, but much needed for me is different then what he needed I suppose. I gather this because as soon as I hung up, it was all over, and things were different then what we had talked about. I knew it would happen, doesn't mean I liked it, but I knew it would happen.
Then I talked to her. And that went well, I guess, because she's not still mad at me, if she ever was. Yet I don't know that she really understand what this is like. I don't know what I want to happen, but I know two things. They like each other, and thats the end of that, and apparently its my fault that he doesn't like me anymore.
All I did was try to be his friend. Didn't it occur that it might be hard? I feel bad, because I can be a big person and admit that I am at fault in this, huge fault even, because I didn't treat him as well as I would've hoped. It was getting better, but him being mad about it, I guess thats to be expected. Anyway, I thought last night we were friends again, or getting there, but I have no idea now. And yeah, I hope they're happy. I hope they have a wonderful flippin' life. But I really just..cried all friday night, and then Sandra came to my rescue on Saturday morning. That was wonderful, and hilarious (just so everybody knows, the Golden Compass does NOT start at 12:55). But once I got home, is was right back to crying. I haven't felt like this before, and I hate it more then anything. Because I feel miserable.
Its probably a good thing Sandra took me out of the house yesterday, because apparently they were hanging out all day at one of my other friends house's and that would've come to bit me in the butt earlier then it did.

Anyway, I could continue my woeful saga, but I have church.
Finish later.

misery misery misery misery

Now its all a matter of....WHERE THE HECK DO I TURN?!

table talk

Its wonderful, after a tough day and even tougher nights, to just forget everything and laugh. Laugh like your drunk, and about things that you know everyone thinks but would never say. Just like...a flat out laugh till you cry girl stuff talk.

Real girl stuff.

It was so much fun. I mean, granted, it was an NHD meeting. But NHD? Productive? Ahahaha. You have to be kidding.

take only photographs, leave only footprints

So, it was back to the real world today. I don't think I like the real world much.
Here goes my rant.

Okay, so to start, I couldn't sleep last night. Then of course come the great, you have to get up early you need to sleep oh now i'm thinking about it i won't get to sleep ahhhhh i need sleep cry cry scream scream....okay minus the screaming crying fit. But we all know the feeling. This morning went relativly okay, except for some sadish feelings about going back to school and, well, other things. So I get to school and get pounded with Mr.Mark math, then third I had english where she jumped right back into the insane method that she has of assigning things and the random homework that just piles and piles....

But basically, it was okay after that. Until seventh period. When while sight reading some strange a capella spanish piece with the womens choir, bllod drips onto my hand. Great, just my luck, another flippin' nose bleed. To which i proceded to dive for the hall pass, totally blowing off trying to make a rapid excuse to Mr.Clark, and began my sure to be humiliating walk down the cafeteria hallway. Which just happens to be the only way to get to the bathroom. Of course, theres girls in the bathroom, did i expect anything else? An ounce of luck? Silly me.
Anyway, dove for a stall, and spent about twenty minutes making my regular niagra falls of a nose quit. Gross? No kidding, I was there.

I gave up on trying to look like nothing happened, and walked back through the hallway to the chorus room for the last ten minutes of the period. I figured my eigth period class would be easy, i mean, come on. Its a sub, the day after break. No worries, right?

Wrong. Again.

So the overly-perky sub bouces around chirping something about an attendance sheet, blah blah blah and the movie we're going to watch...blah blah blah. Eventually he stopped talking and turned the lights out, so what else would freshman do but start talking? And laughing and taking pictures with their cell phones and comparing ipods and being...freshman. Basically doing anything but watching the movie. Now I don't really care, I mean, its not like the movie from three chapters ago actually matter, but my stomach was empty except for blood which made it hurt like heck and everyone around me is being loud and talkitive and I wasn't exactly in a people mood due to...well, you know all that. Doesn't help that the one person in that class I might've talked to was busy talking to a couple of girls right behind me, and I don't know that I wanted to talk anyway.

So, because theres no point in even attempting to make today better, I will be on IM tonight while doing homework and possibly watching episode....seven I think i'm on, but maybe six.....of Kyle XY.

Life is good? Sometimes. But today, life stinks. I can't wait to go to bed.





Oh, well, okay. I do have one thing to look foward to. I get to sleep over at Sandra's soon, and then scrap, so that should be fun. :)