How I learned to stop worrying....

...and enjoy the bombard.

So, Summers winding down. Welcome, one and all, back to your real life of work and drama and the occasional riot.
Really? You're sending me back?
Actually though, part of me is excited. Yes I know, its a crazy and totally geeky point of view, but some consistincy might be nice. A schedule. A plan. Repition. And I'm fully aware that by the end of the year I'll curse those very words, but for now, life's getting crazy. I just got back from Pennsic, which as always, was amazing. It definately worked the same magic it did last year. Everything gets put in perspective, or at least, closer in general to where it should be. But its also made me think a lot. About my friends, my religion, my family, my habits, my past...everything. It brought up a lot of questions. Have you ever really gone through you're head? It can get kind of dark if you get deep enough. Not to say that you shouldn't. But theres some things I've come up with. For one, my church. I'm starting to struggle in my faith. And you know why? Because of the things that I have blogged about since day one. My church isn't what a church should be, plain and simple. We fight and stuff, sure, but tell me why everyone who said they'd be there left. Explain to me the logic in giving up on the youth and focusing all of our energies on the taking things back to where they were. Our church is dying, we're not going to just wake up one day and have a nice healthy church again. God works through us, not for us. Until someone who really is on fire with God gets into that church, well, its not going to get any better. I love my church, and I love my faith, and theres nothing anyone could do to take me away from that. But when church is one of the things I have to start suffering from instead of being the place that I can go to get away from the suffering, there's a problem. And until something changes, until we get somewhere, church will continue to turn into a negative word. Is that what God wants? I feel abandoned from my church, theres some amazing people that went there, but personal or not they aren't there now. They made a commitment, and promise, and whatever their reasons for leaving (and don't get me wrong, this is not to say i disagree or don't support some of them) it hurts. Because theres nothing left for me but a hope that things will get better. I mean, I'm losing the years I could be involved in a youth group fast. It could easily be something I just never have. But heres the kicker. I'm the smiley choir girl every sunday, I'm the one who holds out hope and won't leave, and I'll be the one who sits on the steps the day they shut the door for good, still parying, still hoping as hard as I can that I get to be a part of the church that God wants, the church that God planned for us to be.
Now onto more light hearted subjects, because life isn't all heavy.
Did I mention Pennsic was amazing?
I started watching firefly, another amazing Joss show, and I'm in love. It aired in 2002 but my sister had it on DVD and let me bring it home. Now that I'm done with Buffy, somethings got to occupy me. I leave for Cape Cod on Saturday, which should be good. I'm hoping. Things have just been tough lately with the going away. I can feel the time slipping through my hands, and I hate that feeling more then most. Its like I know when I come back they'll be a week left until school. And even though part of me is looking forward to it, I am a teenager, and well, I'm not exactly throwing a happy fit. It does bring school shopping, which would be exciting if it didn't cost money.
And of course, my boyfriend and I are still going strong. =)
So what gives?
I just want to know in advanced...whats school going to bring?
I'm going to see people I haven't talked to in a while, some by choice and some simply by distance, and I'm probably going to be a tad bit different. What can I say, they last two years haven't been my grandest, but I've certainly learned from them. The problem is that theres nothing in this year to look foward too, nothing that makes me want one more day to go by, except the lack of crazy crowded schedules. Makes it difficult to see people, esspecially male people, or rather male person, as in chris. But school brings the possibility of making that worse, plus work and homework and did I mention that I have a lot of reading and essays to do in the next two weeks? Just saying.

But maybe all I'm really doing is worrying. And whether or not theres anything to worry about, worrying is a waste of time. Because really, in the long run, it doesn't help either way.

So I guess that's that. I have a feeling I'll be blogging more, this was fun.