Fantastical Mediocrity

Sometimes The Hardest Thing and Right Thing Are The Same

2010-03-21T21:09:00.002-04:00

Here's pegging this week as better then last week. Or the week before. But there, right there's part of the problem. The weight of comparing everything. You know how much mental energy is wasted on that? A lot. Just like judgement. We talked about that in Lit and Philosophy the other day, though I wish we'd spent more time on this specifically. We put so much weight on ourselves by judging right and wrong, good and bad. And not even in our own lives. In other people lives. "Oh, look at them. They're such a bad person." You know you think it. Maybe its because they're into drugs or because of how they dress or their sexual preference. They're weird. Its how they walk. I'm not on some campaign here for you to not judge. To accept everyone. As a person I'm not very open and loving, in all honesty. But I know, even in the most selfish of ways, it puts a lot of weight on my shoulders to put it on myself to judge everyone around me. Its not my place.

Now, how that fits into the things going on in my life right now, I really couldn't tell you. Its just something I've wanted to say that I haven't been able to say to anyone. So there you go, food for thought.

But do you know how hard it is to not judge people? Let's play devil's advocate for a second. (Disclosure: Spelling WILL be consistently incorrect. Get over it.) I know its easy to logically explain that everyone has a different story and there's no reason to judge people but its human instinct! Blah. Why is it so bad anyway? It doesn't have to be. It just can be.

So there's both sides, maybe unfairly balenced. Invested in the movie The Box. Its weird but it makes you think. Watch it with people you can talk to. And I hope you have a better week than you last one.

What color is your parachute?

2009-10-06T15:00:00.003-04:00

Junior Year's in full swing now. But I can't complain. Compared to sophmore year, this is a wonderful, WONDERFUL year.
Yeah, of course I hate waking up before God does and showering, trying to motivate myself to look halfway decent, and walking into a stuffy old brick building with a number of people I can't stand... but it evens out.
Here's how.
-I'm taking AP Bio. I'm aware that for MOST people this doesn't "even out" anything, but I really really like biology. It makes SENSE, and it's (deep breath) FUN. I get it, I enjoy learning it... maybe THATs why I wanted to be a marine biologist!
-I have classes with Josh. :)
-The workload is large, but it's not busy work, and I've found methods that really help me make the most out of it. I actually benefit from homework. It's like this totally new concept. It's great.
-I got a car! Toyota Corolla (spelling? Psh. Genetic.) 2001. Debating between the names Eve and Cricket, she's dark green, and I can DRIVE her. I really do. On the road with cars and everything. And at night! I'm a big girl now. :)

See how that works? I'm okay with it.

What would you do-o-o for a klondike bar?

2009-09-04T20:57:00.002-04:00

Really, though. What?

I can't imagine they're that high in demand, but maybe if you were really craving it, pregnant or something... Hah.

As of now, I'd quit school and start over on an unpopulated island in the Pacific for a Klondike bar.

Wait a minute, I'd do that for nothing. Vacation time, anyone?

Can you tell its September?

2009-08-30T09:16:00.002-04:00

Things. There are so many things that have to be done. These things pile up all Summer but we wait until NOW to do them. And we all do it, some worse then others. Unless of course, you're all "on time" and "prepared" in which case... cut it out, you're making us look bad.
I'm off to church to play choir director. But once I'm home... there's AP Bio to do, and a room to clean, and laundry... Not to mention I need to do some serious fish tank cleaning. And I have to fix my laptop. It's necessary. But, somewhere I'm starting to feel.. okay with school. Gasp. It's been said. I decided to fall out of the classic stereotype, at least for these few minutes while my fingers are clicking over the keyboard, and say that I'm not dreading school! Structure and routine will be nice, at least for the first month or two, and besides it's really only the getting up early that sucks.

Oh, and my sim had a baby. :)

Don't Blame Me

2009-07-22T13:06:00.002-04:00

Off to Pennsic shop soon...because I leave on Monday. Ah! That can't be right, can it? Impossible. There's still so much to do!

Anyway, this was supposed to be an angry rant but I don't really have time. I just would like to say, generally speaking, communications are obnoxious. Agreed? Excellent.

Anyway, today consists of Pennsic shopping, chiara coming over, maybe some other news that could be shared at a later date... fun stuff. And then tomorrow I have a bonfire to see all my friends before I take off for two weeks.
Hope everyone's day is at LEAST as mediocre as mine. :)

Freedom 2009

2009-07-01T12:09:00.002-04:00

So it's summer! Yay! And I'm full of, well, potential plans. But potential plans are still plans right?
I got in touch with a long lost cousin last week, and that was awesome. :)
Also, I'm probably going to be getting a job. And (go ahead sisters, laugh) my permit.
And I'm going to Pennsic FOR TWO WEEKS AHHHHH.
And maybe even Washington, DC. Which would be fun. Plus I'm going to the Bronx Zoo and the Aquarium pretty soon...all fun things.

College is the scary thing. When did I get old enough to be looking at colleges? I know, it's like, a few months early for me and there's plenty of like graduates who don't even know what they want to do but that's not generally how I function and all of a sudden I'm filling up this folder with potential colleges and talking to my guidance consulor about not even coming in senior year...it's all very crazy. I don't wanna, I don't wanna!

..does that not work anymore? It used to work really well when I was like, two. I'm still cute I swear!

It's high time for the winds to change

2009-06-22T23:13:00.002-04:00

So...tomorrow's the last day of finals. Woo-hoo! And then it's summer.
I was just looking back at the entry I wrote LAST year around now, and I wasn't so thrilled about Summer...so I'm hoping things change this time around. Anyway my outlook for tomorrow is to roll out of bed and into the shower and then get BACK into my PJs and head to school ridiculously early to take a dumb french final.
It won't really matter that I won't be awake because honestly it's in a different language anyway...and I certainly don't speak french! And then maybe I'll find it in me to wake up before the math final so that I can focus on all 34 stinkin questions. AND THEN I'M DONE.
THANK GOD.

Anyway...that's the plan... (rule the world...you and me...anyday...)
oops sorry. :)

There's No Need to Complicate

2009-06-08T18:24:00.003-04:00

Had an awesome weekend. :) Thanks to amazing people in my life. Whom I'll be increasingly grateful for as summer approaches and I have the time to appreciate them. Schools not as bad anymore, almost...fun.

What isn't quite as fun is getting kicked off the computer every time you sit down because the &*#$% family computer crashed AGAIN. So I only have a few minutes. That rules out the rant about the ocean plan, at least for now.

But HEY, YOU. TODAY'S WORLD OCEANS DAY. Buy a book or something. Converve water or electricity or recycle. Oh and don't use hairspray. Thanks. :)

In other news, the chemistry regents seems to get closer everyday....I'm working on a way to change that but if I don't suceed, you may hear me screaming from wherever it is you'll be at 11:30 on wednesday, June 17th, so there's your fair warning.

Hopefully I'll blog more later, if not then probably tomorrow. Hope everyone's having a good day. :)

It's a school wide epidemic...

2009-06-02T23:44:00.002-04:00

...I'm surprised you didn't catch it. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm a genious in math class.
Well i mean not actually at math, but very quick with the humor.

So, how's everybody? Goodness I say that like I have some public...well you're all my imaginary listens, avidly following my blog to see what turn my life takes next. :) Thanks, guys, you're awesome. Don't ever change.

Things are tough lately. It seems everybody wakes up to their difficulties. The end of the year means stressing and lots of tests, and then realizing over and over again exactly how little you absorbed during the duration of the school year. You know, taking the practice regents and saying to yourself....crap, I never actually attempted to learn any of this.
Final projects, final everythings. Its not exactly fun.
Labs. Labs aren't fun. But they're almost over. (No, not MY labs.)

Just in general though, everyone is having a tougher and tougher time being happy to wake up in the morning. And the more people get upset, the more they get self absorbed and when you're in a bad mood and surrounded by self absorbed people you're going to be in a worse mood....getting them even MORE upset....see how this poses a problem? Its like the plague. Everyone's complaining, everyone's stessing. And every day I can like FEEL summer, it's SO close. I'd appreciate if it'd hurry up, thanks.

Its late and I should probably sleep. Or at least be in bed reading. I'm just worried about people. I don't like times like these.
I hope whatever your problems are, they see themselves through with as little damage as possible.

"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Love the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live you way into the answers."
~Rainer Maria Rilke

2009-05-01T17:16:00.001-04:00

Bonfire tonight!
Had a yucky day, so decided to chill out with my friends. More later. :)

Listen! To A Jubilant Song!

2009-04-30T20:50:00.002-04:00

Just had the concert, and it was awesome. Totally worth the frustration that was erupting from the meisters when it was the last rehersal and we couldn't sing our stuff. Mom and Dad even came out to see it.

Oh, I should probably explain why mom and dad found it hard to attend...

See, remember that puppy I got about a year ago? Name's Sirius Black? Well almost two weeks ago now he broke his leg. And now he's confined to a crate and unable to walk and very very helpless. Someone needs to be home twenty four seven, which is a really difficult position to maintain. But still they came to my concert, and they loved it. They were even impressed with Josh's solo, but then, who wasn't?

Haha. I should probably tell me embaressing story, it would please my sisters. So today, we were talking about the hero's journey in english. And at one point, the english teacher was like "We're going to watch the first episode of a show that its the epitome of the hero's jounrney....I don't know if any of you have ever seen Buffy The Vampire Slayer?" and before I could hald back I squeled and my hand flew to my mouth. Everybody turned around to look at the geek who, because I am who I am, proudly announced to everyone around me that I had seen every episode. :) I also plan on watching the last episode the night before that english class because I've heard there's some awesome connections between the two so we'll see.

Anyway, life's getting better. I have more friends, and more fun, and I've learned A LOT.
It's awesome to have people around. :)

Oh and my weekend is shaping up to be pretty amazing, because first I have a bonfire at my friend's house, then shopping for a dress with mom, then going to my little niece's birthday part, and finishing off sunday with church and singing at shopright with my loves, the meisters. It'll be pretty fun.

And simply because this line keeps playing in my head, I'll quote it.

"Freeze ray. Stops time. Tell your friends."
~dr. horrible, with a PhD in Horribleness.

Family Weekend

2009-04-12T23:03:00.002-04:00

I had an awesome family weekend, which was a really nice way to start out my spring break. I went out to my sister's house yesterday for much Whedon-related fun (and torture), and today was spent laughing on air mattresses with my cousins. Overall, good times.

I feel like I should have plans for this Spring break. I made a list of all this wonderful productive stuff that I was going to get done in my time off. But...funny thing about time off....its generally not productive. Maybe tomorrow's get away at San's will center my brain. Or, equally possible, it will fill my head with Dr. Who and college. Both are fun but distracting thoughts.

By the end of break, my room needs to be clean. Actually no, dang, by Wednesday my room needs to be clean. Grrrrrr. Also I need to..organize school stuff.
Not really worth my time right now.

Oh! Fun side! I need to watch Dollhouse and listen to Dr. Horrible!
And go to the drive in with my loves! That will be the best moment of sophmore year, I promise.

Don't tell Me its Not Worth Fighting For

2009-04-06T18:42:00.002-04:00

I'm asking everybody to keep my Grandma in mind tomorrow during her knee surgery...she's an amazingly strong woman whom I'm sure will be fine. But if she wasn't, we'd never know anyway, cause she's not the open type. :) Obviously I don't take after her at all....

Anyway, only sixteen more periods until spring break! Should be a good one. I mean, the fish aren't dying, the weathers getting nicer, what could go wrong?

Love you all.

We All Free Fall

2009-04-04T18:42:00.002-04:00

Its been a while....

Things have changed. But we don't really neeeeeeeeeeed to get into that. I'm actually, however, feeling pretty good about life at the moment. I'm sitting in Chiara's room and listening to the High School Musical soundtrack. I'm aware this is a disappointment for many of you but its okay right now. Nice and light. And I've been thinking about life lately and i"m just realizing that...things can be okay. Like just things. Can just be okay. Because really, this is just high school. I have a whole life and potential and obstacles to climb and I'm excited about them. So the roads going to be rough, but I have some pretty awesome people in my life. And to them...thank you. From the bottom of my heart you know who you all. Anyway... to quote the music "You know how life can be..."

Hope all is well. Love you all, talk to you soon.

Busy Busy Busy

2009-01-24T20:27:00.002-05:00

Life's been good...chilling out and whatnot. But I realized I haven't posted in a while so I decided I'd take care of that. My fish tank is going well...well, as well as can be expected from the National Fish Exicuter.
Anyway this was just a quickie so I'll be back later tomorrow to say some more.

Love love love <3>

I'm blending in so you won't even know me

2009-01-17T11:01:00.003-05:00

Align left! Align left! Sheesh. The things I put up with.
Actually I shouldn't complain, my sisters are being particularly nice this week so I'll align left for them. For now. But anyway, I'm off to Twelfth Night (is it weird that that spelling doesn't look right to me?) as soon as sister dear arrives.
I could be crazy, but I swear she said nine....it is now eleven o' three....but at least I got some extra time.

I'm going to rant about my weekend while my camera makes space for new pictures.

First off, I went to a movie yesterday after school with Chiara and then we went shopping and it was a lot of fun. We saw bride wars, and honestly, it was the first Chick Flick I've ever seen that wasn't predictable, so that was good. Throughly shallowly entertaining. Now today I'm going to be gone all day being scadian, hopefully getting my heraldry stuff somewhat in order...and just hanging out. Tomorrow I have church and after church I have no idea what I'm going to be doing. I do know that by Tuesday (we have monday off) I have to have my ten paragraph essay on technology written (dumbest topic ever the way my teacher presented it. No room for creativity or perspective) and my "Big Ass Packet" (global teacher's name, not mine) done up to number 115. Both highly entertaining activities as I'm sure you gathered. I also have to be ready for my...uhmm...I think its chem and french? But it might be math and french....anyway...those two midterms. Now I'm really not that worried about chemistry, I mean, so far I'm doing well, and i don't know what my sister is grumping about because its not that hard. :) I probably am more like the other when in education....because I really have geography.....anyway I am worried about french. Worst subject ever. I strongly dislike learning other languages I've decided. I don't know why dumb colleges want me to take them. Dumb dumb dumb.

Oh! Camera's done!

p.s......she's still not here. maybe I'll play Wii.

If this is what you want....

2009-01-07T18:20:00.002-05:00

....then fire at will
Life is good today. My room is clean, my homework was done last night, my fish tank is alive...

theres really nothing to complain about. :)

We had a snowday today, which was glorious. I got to do absolutely nothing. All day.

Like I said, life's good. Although I didn't talk to chi chi today....miss you!

Anyway, I'm off to shower, so I'll just get to the list.

1) Chris is getting un-sick

2) Mommy is coming home tonight

3) Snow days

4) Clean rooms

5) Actually....school. weird, i know. But I kinda don't hate it at this moment in time.

Resolutions

2009-01-05T22:42:00.003-05:00

So without further ado, we welcome in 2009 with some resolutions.

Cause there are a good number of things I'd like to accomplish this year.

First of all, I want to stay on track with school work. It really matters now and I know that I am capable of being the student I used to be, the nerd who got a 100 on everything and annoyed the heck out of everyone else. Well, okay, maybe not that geeky, but you get the idea. I've been slacking. All this darn social stuff tempts you in high school. I want to make a balence, because I want to get into college.

And I ain't no athlete.

I also really really want to get back in touch with some people. And get closer to others. Old friends that are just hanging on by a thread...I want to strengthen that. I want people to know that despite PINOS, I can be a people person sometimes. I do actually know how to have fun, surprisingly. And theres some people, even in my own family, that I wish I knew more, could talk to easier. People I wish knew me. So I thought it was high time to get on that.

I want to have a sucessful and functionally nanocube by the end of the year. Preferably by the summer. That way I don't have to feel like the nation fish exicutioner. As of now, every time I go into the fish store to pick out my new pets I hear tiny tiny voices squealing "the claw, the claw!"

I should probably get away from that feeling.

I want to get better at being scadian. I want to fence, and I want to know people, and I want to have a thing that I like to do there. I want to really get involved in the SCA.

I want to fix my arm. I want it gone, I don't want to have the keep feeling it and thinking about hurting it and all that stuff. I just want to make it go away, whatever cruel amounts of torture by doctor it takes.

And finally? I want to do more with singing. I want to run for a position in meisters, and win it. I want to do all couty voice in october and get in. I want to start a Jazz choir.

So there's 2009 for you...now lets cross our fingers!

Its Time To Get Back Into This...

2009-01-02T12:20:00.002-05:00

Sorry guys! I didn't mean to completely bail over break.

Things have been crazy...but lets start at the beggining.

The wedding went SPLENDIDLY.

In my opinion, I could have done better with the singing...

But apparently everyone else liked it so I don't have too much to worry about I suppose.

And The reception was awesome too, everybody looked great. Esspecially KT and Joe. Haha now disregarding all of the "cup of joe" remarks throughout the night there were some great memories made. :)

Christmas was also amazing. I got sick the day before christmas eve, so I missed the last day of school with all the parties. Thats how you know someones really sick haha. I actially wanted to be there!

We did all of our christmas shopping on Christmas eve, which though we aren't the most plan ahead type people we usually don't cut it that close. Dang wedding haha.

Christmas morning was beautiful, and the slight decline in presents was made up for one hundred fold by the company. It was also sirius's first christmas, which was fun to watch.

I got Animal Crossing City Folk for Wii and I LOVE IT.

New years eve/day were also really good. Chris came over and we all played monopoly until the ball dropped...and he killed us. Wiped the floor with us. It was terrible. But we all toasted in good spirits to the ball dropping and welcomed 2009 with excited hearts.

This year is decidedly going to be better then the last one.

As for my beautiful Nanocube tank, its finally setting in I think.

It really is hard to take care off!! But I love learning as I go. And we now have two healthy wish named Wildcat and Domino, three healthy snails named Hoover, Richie with a T, and Elly-Phant, a hermit crab and a star fish that are yet to be named, and an anenome that we call "The enemy" because its a pain to take care of. But its beautiful.

Tonight is Kerianne and Meghan's combined Sweet Sixteen party! Yay!

So thats how life's going. Consider that my list. :)

Its Beginning to Look A Lot Like KT's Wedd-ing...

2008-12-15T18:23:00.004-05:00

...everywhere you go.
From you Uncle's creative side
To the shoes that you must buy
before Grandma sews.

Yes yes, I did just re-write lyrics to the song "Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas"
Because this year, in my family, 'tis the season to be wedding.
Fa La La. Classic holiday stress has been completely re-done! Welcome to the world of
disregarding present shopping for wedding shoe shopping and forgetting about Christmas because
"oh crap the center pieces aren't done and grandpa just fell down again!"

Happy Holidays, everyone. Decorate a tree for me, I think we'll be skimping that one.

1) Family
2) Being Busy
3) Eclipse
4) New Notebooks
5) My trouble making snail

Which Inquired Your Heavenly Song

2008-12-14T13:18:00.003-05:00

What the Gladsome tidings be!
I feel like some form of Elizabethan Gentleman!
Anyways, this has to be quick because I'm on my way to Carol with the meisters.
Which is one of my new favorite holiday activities. :)

1) The Christmas Season
2) Singing Christmas Hymns in Church
3) Best friends (and their coats)
4) Eggs
5) Christopher Michael

Ho Ho Slow Down!

2008-12-13T14:33:00.002-05:00

Someone, somewhere is waiting for you
Watching you with patient eyes.
Someone, somewhere cries for you
When your smiles try to hide
Someone, somewhere gives a damn
Cause someone, somewhere has to
Someone, somewhere knows that somehow
they can't live without you.

Feeling a little poetic, I suppose. Maybe I'm just strange. :)
Yesterday was a snow day, though I'm fairly sure it was more of a power thing then a snow thing.
But either way, it was lovely and I got my work done. It feels good to be back on top of things.
Today I got up semi early to get the shoes for the wedding, then I went out to lunch with some new friends.
Hopefully I'm going to Chris's soon, because for some reason my house was invaded by six small and unfamiliar children. Do you know how much noise six excited children can make? Just checking.
So thats the deal. I couldn't blog yesterday, the cable was out, but it was helpful to not have the distraction.
So my list for today is as follows:

1) Poetic license
2) Gilmore Girls
3) Snow Days
4) Music (and refinding my love for relient k)
5) being ahead of the game.

I could really use a stop watch...

2008-12-10T17:41:00.003-05:00

But not like a regular stopwatch. I need a stopwatch that actually stops time.

They make those, right?

They should. It'd bet the next best thing since TiVo.

No, but really, I need more time. Not that I've been making the best use of every minute of mine but I have been busy, really busy, and I know it's going to continue straight through Christmas. Which is okay with me. Its honestly the homework that makes it stink, because everything else I can at least feel productive doing, but the homework really just doesn't sit well with me. But what has to happen has to happen I suppose. Thank god for best friends that put up with my complaining. :)

In other news, the concert last night was a..sucess? I suppose that's what you could call it. I wasn't thrilled but it was good enough. I think Meisters has more potential, personally. And leave it to my sister to know the song we mess up on which NO ONE else knew. Who was I kidding, thinking she wouldn't notice? Humph. But it wasn't terribly sucky. So at least we made it through. Besides, we'll get 'em at NYSSMA.

Now I've been procrastinating way too long and really need to get going on stuff. I'd post my to-Do (sorry sis, thanks for pointing it out. god forbid you let it slide) but it would take too long.

Also, I'm aware that I missed a few days. Get over it.

1) Potential Snow Days

2) Hot Chocolate

3) Chiara

4) Daddy's Christmas village

5) Electric Blankets

Oh, and did I mention I fail at Marine Biology? My fish died again. So I hear my town needs a librarian.

So Today Was....

2008-12-05T18:00:00.004-05:00

...refreshing. :)
I stayed home from school, for those of you who don't know. We didn't get home until really late last night, and I had lots of homework and four tests today...but at the end my parents didn't even let me go, so I have no guilt which is nice. I did miss Chiara though.
But like a good little best friend she was texting me. Hehe.
Anyway, the Harry Conick Concert was great. Not my favorite type of music, but he is a very funny man.
And today was fairly productive. I made my to-to list as always and just went down it. Its six o'clock and I only have five things left. How lovely.
Also, I watched the first episode of Gilmore Girls, which is my next "TV on DVD" endeavor. I miss Buffy though.
Now I'm going to write my final english paper, then fry up some Perogies.
I'm kinda feeling cereal for dinner tonight. Anyone up for it?

1) Gilmore Girls
2) Hot Baths
3) Food
4) Sleep
5) Only 4 days until Mommy comes home!

Harry Conick Jr.

2008-12-04T16:28:00.002-05:00

Concert Tonight! So This'll be quick...

1) Going to see my sister's pretend boyfriend with her
2) Not going to school tomorrow
3) Lists, again.
4) Three day weekends
5) hmmm.....how about.....my understanding of the things we're learning in school.

Ahh, For The Love Of Lists

2008-12-03T17:17:00.002-05:00

So school still pretty much sucks, but at least my math, global and chem teacher both spoke to me as in individual...
...and in a joking manner, imagine that. Someone pinch me.
In other news, I'm feeling very productive tonight. I've already done two loads of laundry and my math homework and cleaned the fish tanks and cleaned my room. And, yes, there is still English and Chemistry homework to do but at least I am bring much more productive then I have been in a while.
There's a church meeting tonight too. If that kills off my productivity I swear I will be very very upset.
Anyway I should get to my list for the day. Even though I could go on and on and on about life as of this morning but I figure...enough is enough for tonight. :)

Here goes...

1) Sisters
2) A Clean Room
3) To-Do Lists
4) The fast-healing action of the tounge
5) Fast Approaching weekends

I Want To Get Out

2008-12-02T19:02:00.003-05:00

I love the movie "The Polar Express". Its basically the only thing getting me through tonight.
That and the phone.
I just don't know what to do about this school year at all. Its so annoying to have teachers that you are genuinely sure don't like you. And then to be taking such tough classes on top of that. Its so frustrating to not feel connected to your teachers, something I've always managed. And now I have teachers who are just genuinely bratty. I know, along with all this, that I haven't been giving my all, but its so hard to motivate myself lately. Its not that I don't care, because I most certainly do, but I hate school this year. I hate the whole damn thing. And the worst of all is that its only December, and I know I have no way out of this for a long time.
And what's out of this. Summer? Oh yay, that'll be great. I'm just not looking forward to Summer this year. I just see a lot of things that could go pretty badly.
I want Junior Year. Thats what I want. I want classes I like with teachers I like, or at least that aren't the ones I have now, and a fresh start. Is that so much to ask? I mean, I used to be such a good student. Sure, my standards are high for myself and by normal standards I'm doing fine. None of my averages are below an 85.
But this year sucks. Something is definitely missing.
Thank God Christmas is coming.

Oh good, after that post this list of Grace will be easy. And in case you didn't get my suddleness, that was sarcasm. I'm not like devastated, its just I hate where I am in my schooling right now. I really do.

Anyway, I do still have reasons to be thankful.

1) Christmas is coming
2) I'm going on a trip in January (fingers crossed)
3) Tomorrow is wednesday, which is one day closer to the weekend.
4) I'm watching the Polar Express.
5) I have one teacher in the building who I actually feel genuinely comfortable with right now.

Getting Down To Buisness...

2008-12-01T15:51:00.002-05:00

Today I was mostly busy, like I was during the weekend. I didn't take any lessons (not by choice) but surprisingly I made in through the day unscathed. I was impressed with myself! And out of the blue, I've been feeling really close to Meghan again. I forgot how much she and I...hmmm....get each other?
That sounds a lot deeper then I meant it. Honest. We just laugh at things other people don't always laugh at haha.
But anywho...getting down to buisness....
I think I have to take two sciences next year. By the time I graduate I want to have taken AP Environmental, AP Bio and Marine Biology, all of which my school offers. Problem is I only have two years left. So I'm thinking I should take AP Environmental and Marine Biology the same year, which would be easy enough to handle.
Starting next year, lunch is a waste of time. Hopefully I won't have to drop Band too.
But Thinking about what my classes will be next year it turns out like this:
~AP English, AP Environmental, Marine Biology, Pre Calc, AP US, Music Theory, Band, Women's/Meisters, Gym, Lab.
Here's my problem, I only have eight periods a day. Use your fingers and count that. That's ELEVEN things in eight periods. Hmmmm....
Anybody have a spare Time Turner?

Anyway list time since I have to go do some homework.

1)Protective Boyfriends
2)Oppertunites (going hand and hand with Confidence)
3)Fishies
4)Time To Plan
5)My French teacher for some good laughs + No Homework

Warm and Cozy Christmas time.

2008-11-30T22:09:00.002-05:00

I can feel it coming, and Christmas Spirit is totally starting to ease into the air. The music, the planning, the weather...its all coming together. I love this time of year.

I missed one day in my chart but I was away, so there was no internet. I was out in a Condo with some pretty fun girls for KT's bachelorette party. It was a wonderful time. So here's my list for Saturday:

1) Being a girl. Sometimes you just have to take in the fact that you can talk, laugh and giggle better then those dang men!
2) Lack of Internet in a Condo.
3) Growing up, and having that fact be accepted...no, embraced.
4) Cousins.
5) Hot Tubs are truly wonderful.

Today I got back and hung out at Chris's for a while. Honestly it was a great time. All in all, an incredible weekend. And its a short stretch until Christmas break, which will be long and glorious, and life is just very very good. I won't even mind that the weather is not bad enough to miss out on school tomorrow. Maybe someday soon.
What I do need to figure out is what I'm wearing....ehh, nevermind, i got it. :)

For today, another list.

1) Plans.
2) Hand Cream.
3)Gotta sat it....Chris. <3
4) My electric blanket, which will make my cold room very cozy when I finally get to bed.
5) Just being alive, and being able to make lists like this.

Its All A Myth

2008-11-28T14:33:00.002-05:00

Esspecially that Turkey Drug. Because I was not at all tired this morning.

Well, okay, I was really tired last night, but thats not exactly counting is it??
Anyway, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was beautiful, a beautiful house and table and a beautiful family to spend it with. I even enjoyed my sister's teasing. :)

Tonight I have a "girls-weekend-out" type thing to go to that should be a lot of fun. But I thought I'd get my list in first.

1) My house WITHOUT anyone else living in it. (even though that'll only last a month)
2) My puppy not dying from eating over a pound of chocolate for his Thanksgiving dinner for one.
3) Again, happy pills.
4) My family. Their quirks and their jokes and their smiles. All of it.
5) Chiara Marie. <3

New Decision

2008-11-27T11:05:00.002-05:00

For one, I forgot to post yesterday.
Well I thought about it, but I was in the car and didn't have internet access. :(
Buttttt I had a revelation this morning. What better day to start then Thanksgiving?!
So from thanksgiving this year to thanksgiving next year will be my 365 days of grace.
For more info, read the last post.
I WANT MY GIRLS TO JOIN IN ON THIS. Thats an order.

Off to sister dear's house for a "damn family holiday with traditions and crap"
Happy thanksgiving!

1) Happy pills.
2) Christopher and his family inviting me over for their Christmas party.
3) My friends.
4) Books.
5) Food. Classic for thanksgiving I know, but I'm pretty hungry right now.

Go Sister Dear!

2008-11-25T16:27:00.002-05:00

This is the perfect time in my life for this project.
So here I go, about to post a list of five things that made my day good for the next 365 days.
Hopefully, my dear dear friends will join me cause I think it would be good for everyone.
Besides this seems liek the type of thing my baby chi chi would buy into. :)
If you wanna read more about it go here...

So starting today, November 25th, with this list

1) My fish survived the night
2) I found this idea
3) Not a lot of homework
4) tomorrow is a half day
5) The Music Department.

:)

Play It Again

2008-11-20T17:00:00.002-05:00

So this is life, hmmm? Its kinda cool to know I'm in a place where other people have been in their lives. I mean, they survived, didn't they? Obviously I can too. I've been thinking lately, like, why can't we live for today and tomorrow? Everyone lives for tomorrow, but not many people live for today out of fear for tomorrow, and if no ones living for today then...what's the point. Isn't today somebody's tomorrow? Wasn't today our tomorrow once? But we just keep living for the future, and we're never ever going to live. I'm not saying "good call, lets go smoke some pot" or anything, but its just a thought.
My global teachers called me an Enlightenment thinker. Well, thats not true, he said we were all Enlightenment thinkers. He said we had not choice. We have to bring logic and reason to everything. We try to make things make sense, to wrap our minds around them and understand them. Do you realize how impossible happiness is if that's what we're striving for? Whats the point in having everything make sense? When you finally understand everything in your life, where will you be? And besides, what's so great about things making sense? How can you live a life where you understand everything when things are always changing? So if you're always pushing for something you'll never achieve and giving up the life you have in the process, you're going to end up never getting anywhere. I'm not saying to not have goals or aim for things cause that doesn' t make so much sense either, but happy mediums are always welcome.
Just some thoughts. I've been thinking a lot lately. I know, its a new development.

So Much To Do

2008-11-08T22:56:00.003-05:00

Hey there. You're cool enough to read my blog. Congrats!

Well, this week is seeming to be pretty busy (at least in the begginging), but in a really good way.
For one, tomorrow is Church and then the return of my cultured sister from her brag-worthy vacation to pick up her two darling daughters.
Monday is the obvious school, and Chris's road test, and then I'm going back to the doctor and hopefully going to lessons to pick out my NYSSMA solo for the year. After all that theres a good chance I'm having a sleepover with two of my best friends and then since we have no school Tuesday I might do something later in the day with Chris.
Wednesday is school and then possibly a trip to verizon to fix my phone. Again. Thursday is school, and then comes the weekend, which really, is two far ahead for me to think. Sorry.

You know, I heard once that you should live your life for those you love, but that doesn't really make any sense to me. I mean, if I lived my life to make the people around me happy I wouldn't get anywhere. I think there comes a point where you have to accept your choices and admit to yourself what you want, and what makes you happy, and then go from there. Your life is your life after all. I'm not saying be a selfish brat who doesn't think about anyone but themselves, but don't disregard what you know makes you happy, and makes you feel like you're where you need to be.
Theres got to be some kind of balance. I think the hardest part is finding and accepting it.

Into A Pattern We Fell

2008-11-02T19:02:00.004-05:00

There was a bad accident today, right outside my house, and it really got me thinking.
I don't know, I mean, life is so freaking fragile. It really is.
Why do people end it on purpose, when it ends on its own so often? So many things can cut us off, and we just create more. I mean, my Uncle Jeff died in a motorcycle accident and just like that it was over. I'm never going to learn from him, he's never going to see who I am or help me become more.
How many people's Uncle's have our own people shot?
Now I'm not saying I hate the soliders, they're doing their job and protecting us and for that I will be eternally grateful. They deserve the best we have to offer, and they are my heros.
Its the principle, thats all. The principle of war. Not the people fighting it, the war itself.
We play with life like its ours to control, and its not.

By the way, vote Barrack Obama this tuesday, okay? Please.

MEISTERS. IS. MY. LIFE.

2008-10-16T14:34:00.002-04:00

...and if you think I'm kidding, I'm really not. Its becoming like what I look forward to every three days in the cycle when I have it. We're working on a piece by Eric Whiticre, which for those of you who know ANYTHING about the current awe-inspiring choral composers would mean a lot (okay I'm not going to go into how geeky that sounded), and its called Sleep. Its literally life changing, theres one point where the sopranos soar into this high A flat and I swear to god tears came to my eyes. I sometimes forget how much I love singing, but this year is not going to be like that. I've made a pact, well I've made two pacts but the "be a better student because you can" pact isn't relevant. No, my real pact is my pact to work really hard at my singing this year. I might get back into women's next year, we'll see how the schedule thing works out, but this year we have meisters and a potential jazz choir (how cool would that be?). Anyway summing it all up today was incredible rehearsal wise. Honestly you should all come to the next concert. But if you call me and ask me when it is i probably won't be able to tell you haha. i'll keep you updated.

Also, my birthday is so soon! YAYYY!!!

Not that my sisters will be showing up.....
Its okay they'll make it up to me.

Waiting for Our Luck To Change

2008-10-14T18:45:00.003-04:00

I'm about to illegally download a large amount of music.
Shhh don't tell anyone! But I need it for my upcoming party, which I'm really excited about.
Anyway I think I'm finally getting what everyone else in my life has had, which is nice, because it could get me a day off and a day off is always good. But I'm not planning.
I am really tired though. And annoyed at my sisters because they're both going on cool trips and I'm not and they should care enough to take me but they won't.

Anyway life is pretty good. Happy eight months to me and chris, which is pretty cool.

Lots of love to all of you!

AlBi TRD

2008-09-30T11:50:00.002-04:00

I found a new song I like...

Chiara slept over last night, and it was a good time. =)

Lifes getting better. At least, I'm pretty sure it is. But everytime I think that its completely gone something will pop back up again. So really, I'm using firefly as my inspiration right now. River is my hero. How about that?

Works for me.

Anyways, now I have to go do homework. Let me know what you think about the song.

Ice Cold Cherry Coke

2008-09-23T15:06:00.003-04:00

Sometimes two hearts just can't dance to the same beat, and somethings are better left unsaid. Now, especially you sister dear, I have nothing I'm upset about so no worries theres no reason to call me and yell about how I didn't call you. =) In fact, things are looking up. The worst in my life right now, besides the obvious, is that tomorrow is only Wednesday. I have so much stuff to do, I don't think anyone comprehends. But I'm enjoying it, I mean, its stuff I brought onto myself. Homework is a side note. But its a side note that must be conquered. So thats where I'm heading after this little rant.

"She can see a little clearer now.
She says 'oh, I gotta go and find me.'
Oh, she found the strength to break free"

I definitely have something to say. Its going to be vague, because publishing my life's journeys on the internet would be, well, stupid. But I will reference to the problem I've been dealing with that my nearest and dearest know about. Its been consuming me, and confusing me, and I've come to a conclusion. Good days and bad days are a way of life. Heres this: I'm done giving in to the things I can't control. My life is strictly what I make it, and I'm making it mine. I have control, I have free will and most importantly I have the God given right to enjoy being alive. I'm sick and tired of the questions and the explanations and trying to catch up on whats going on in my own head. Its over, I'm moving on, I'm packing up and stepping forward.

"All she's ever felt is held back.
She says 'its kinda nice to hear myself laugh.'
She's gonna do a lot more of that.
She's making plans and making tracks."

I wonder how many people in this world would benefit from this kind of break through. I mean, honestly, I'm not the only one with problems. Every single person on this earth struggles with things, whether or not they're justifiable. So it really all comes down to your will to pick up and move forward. A good friend told me that "Innocence comes from how many times you've been in a situation to give up, and haven't." Its not about having some silly hope in the world, its about having enough determination and hope to keep going no matter how bad it is. Guess what, everything can get worse. There is nothing that can not get worse. But that rule is heavily linked to everything getting better. We're human, we mess up, we get hurt and stubborn and things go crazy. But nothing, nothing at all, can't be overcome.
Be strong. Trust me, it feels good. =)

"Oh, she's learning how to let go.
Whichever way the wind blows."

This Road Is All You'll Ever Have

2008-09-18T06:36:00.002-04:00

Goodmorning America, how was your night? Mine was....stressful, thoughtful, and now this morning I'm feeling the effects of a slight lack of sleep.

But three quizzes are calling, and a seating audition, so basically, chin up and go for it! Anyways its almost the weekend...which even though it'll be busy....will at least be a break from school. For a couple days at least.

Hope everyone is having a great day.
As far as blog updates are concerned, I've got some pictures to put up and I'm going to try and get a song on here but we'll see how that goes.
I wonder if I'm going to back to school night...hmm....oh well....

Talk to you all later!

All Systems Go

2008-09-14T08:51:00.002-04:00

Wish me luck! Todays the day, all systems go, we're having our Churches 170th anniversary celebrations. And I was put in charge of the music, so I did what I could to get a choir going (we actually rehearsed....a huge step for the music department in my church) and pick out some music and here we are. Hopefully all goes well, we have a few last minute kinks to work out but it could be much worse. Anyway, like I said wish me luck because its going to be a big, and a little more then slightly stressful, day.

Yesterday was the Homecoming Parade and Game, which we fun. The game was a little longer then I'd have liked but I had a good time. I actually might have sort of enjoyed a second or two of the actual game, but don't tell anyone or I'll never live it down. I have a reputation to keep! After the game me, mom and dad and Chris headed over for Grandma's birthday party and it was definitely a good time. So in conclusion, alls well in the world of Jessica.

Warning: This may change in direct relation to the outcome of today and the plans made for the week ahead.

Life's Like An Hourglass

2008-09-12T20:03:00.006-04:00

Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful?

Please excuse the Stevie Wonder reference. I just love this layout! Its actually close to inspiring.

And lets talk about that picture. That would be the result of an amazing best friend and school spirit day. The looks I got in the hallway were half the fun. The other half was the actual planning process with my love Kerianne. So in reality, I had an awesome day even after a week of not so awesome days. I just decided, you know what, its time to pick myself off and dust off my knees and say "forget this, keep going, its gotta end somewhere." So thats what I did. And it worked. In the long run, do I feel better? No, not particularly, but i laughed today and smiled today and sang today and thats enough for me.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I'm sorry. Its something I'm keeping in a tight circle. In other news, tomorrow is the homecoming parade and game. So more school pride, in a less abstract way. I am not really looking forward to getting up and marching and I'm especially dreading standing on the field in all of our not so great glory, but hey. Its an experience and they'll be some good times to be had.

I've made a habit

2008-09-11T16:55:00.002-04:00

Because it seems one or two people actually read this blog. =)

So here goes. I'm going to kinda spruce it up a little bit tonight and put up a good blog entry and start tagging things and change the song...like spring cleaning in the fall! Speaking of spring cleaning...my rooms a mess. It has school papers all over.....which leads me to the masses of homework to be done.

If you read this leave a comment it'll show me if its really worth doing. k? thanks!

Nope, you lose.

2008-09-07T20:35:00.001-04:00

Basically I'm not having a good time right now. K thanks.
Bye.

Cape Cod baybay

2008-08-17T18:35:00.002-04:00

Cape Cod is amazing. Its such a cool place, it really is like a hidden little.....place. Thats cool. =)

But anyway...Kerianne is sitting right next to me watching everything I type so...gosh darn I can't talk about her. Oh well. I guess I'll say the classic...she's amazing, she makes me laugh, she actually appreciates it here...
NO, I really do mean it! And more importantly, I'd like to document exactly how amazing its been. Last night, we got here at like...eight thirty ish. We walked into the house (which is adorable) and found our room with its bunk bed and set up. I will admit to might slight obsession with making everything all perfect, but thats okay because I enjoy it. Then we went to the beach to see the lighthouse, which is breathtaking at night when the lights on, and we saw the biggest waves we've ever seen. I hear this is unusual for Cape Cod, but I'm not lying I swear they were like tall.....curling easily like stomach height. It was epic. And then we were both thinking we kept seeing something but it would just disappear. Later my parents came down and said they saw a seal and then the fishermen who were on the beach said that if you watch when the lights hit the water you'd see them....and we did! Their red eyes would blink every time the light swung over. There they were, just chilling out and watching us. It was awesome.

Today we were to P Town. Its so cool to be in a place thats so accepting...and as shallow as it is...its quite entertaining. I saw so many like outwardly gay couples it was ridiculously cute. And cross dressers, and people with clothing painted on, and...like....20 rainbow flags in sight at any given time. Oh and we got a really cool kite that looks like an osprey that we're going to fly tonight. On the beach. How cool is that?

Tomorrow we're hitting the beach early...hopefully the water won't be too cold and we'll catch some wildlife. Then at four we'll be embarking on a seal watch, a two hour trip out to something island where theres supposedly a large number of seals. Should be cool.

SO thats the trip so far, for anyone who actually cares. =)

Burn The Land, Boil The Sea

2008-08-16T00:45:00.002-04:00

So how is it that someone can distance themselves from their own lives? Just curious. Because I think its possible for someone to actually reform their life without making a premeditated attempt at it. I think that its possible for someone, more importantly, to pull themselves away from their surroundings. Maybe it comes from a lack of trust, or a lack of ability to open up. Maybe its simply a way to figure out who you are. I don't think its a bad thing, nessicarily, if you don't use it as an excuse. But when no one accepts who they are you have a huge mass of confused people who aren't willing to come to terms with their confusion. Lies and fights and drama of all sorts can come from that, wars and killing and everything else. Children accept so easily what adults try to push aside. They accept what they like and don't like, what feels right and what feels wrong, and who they are. Explain to me why in times like these, I'm starting to feel that Children are wiser then adults? Doesn't wisedom come from experience? I beg to differ. You know what I think comes from experiance? Innocence. You see, a good friend of mine opened my eyes one day to what innocence really is. Theres a fine line between innocence and ignorance, same as there is between being innocent and being naive. In her words "Innocence comes from how many times you've chosen not to give up". So in reality, you could experience hell, but chose to keep going, and therefore you would have a hope in the world. You would have innocence, as some call it. You would have faith that there was still something worth fighting for. And this leads me to my realization of the day. Theres still something worth fighting for. Theres still purpose. I can turn my life around with God's help and guidance and help to make things as they should be. My church, for example. Thank god for the people I have supporting me and the phone call that I had today, because I have a new hope for my church. Theres no doubt in my mind that what needs to be done will be done if I just open up and let God take over. Not to sound oversaved. And more importantly, I can enjoy my life! My time to myself! See, I've been struggling a lot lately, and the details aren't important, but now I can really be okay with it all! Theres no written out reason or logical explaination, its just, well, worrying is a waste of time. Lifes worth living.
Welcome to reality, love. Welcome to innocence.

I'd like to clear something up

2008-08-15T00:24:00.002-04:00

My blogs aren't personal attacks. Ever. If I have a problem, I'll tell you. Its just the way to handle things. My blogs are me venting my thoughts. And when I blog about my church, I'm not targeting anyone. I just have things on my mind, and thats all.

For future reference, in all circumstances.

How I learned to stop worrying....

2008-08-14T23:50:00.002-04:00

...and enjoy the bombard.

So, Summers winding down. Welcome, one and all, back to your real life of work and drama and the occasional riot.
Really? You're sending me back?
Actually though, part of me is excited. Yes I know, its a crazy and totally geeky point of view, but some consistincy might be nice. A schedule. A plan. Repition. And I'm fully aware that by the end of the year I'll curse those very words, but for now, life's getting crazy. I just got back from Pennsic, which as always, was amazing. It definately worked the same magic it did last year. Everything gets put in perspective, or at least, closer in general to where it should be. But its also made me think a lot. About my friends, my religion, my family, my habits, my past...everything. It brought up a lot of questions. Have you ever really gone through you're head? It can get kind of dark if you get deep enough. Not to say that you shouldn't. But theres some things I've come up with. For one, my church. I'm starting to struggle in my faith. And you know why? Because of the things that I have blogged about since day one. My church isn't what a church should be, plain and simple. We fight and stuff, sure, but tell me why everyone who said they'd be there left. Explain to me the logic in giving up on the youth and focusing all of our energies on the taking things back to where they were. Our church is dying, we're not going to just wake up one day and have a nice healthy church again. God works through us, not for us. Until someone who really is on fire with God gets into that church, well, its not going to get any better. I love my church, and I love my faith, and theres nothing anyone could do to take me away from that. But when church is one of the things I have to start suffering from instead of being the place that I can go to get away from the suffering, there's a problem. And until something changes, until we get somewhere, church will continue to turn into a negative word. Is that what God wants? I feel abandoned from my church, theres some amazing people that went there, but personal or not they aren't there now. They made a commitment, and promise, and whatever their reasons for leaving (and don't get me wrong, this is not to say i disagree or don't support some of them) it hurts. Because theres nothing left for me but a hope that things will get better. I mean, I'm losing the years I could be involved in a youth group fast. It could easily be something I just never have. But heres the kicker. I'm the smiley choir girl every sunday, I'm the one who holds out hope and won't leave, and I'll be the one who sits on the steps the day they shut the door for good, still parying, still hoping as hard as I can that I get to be a part of the church that God wants, the church that God planned for us to be.
Now onto more light hearted subjects, because life isn't all heavy.
Did I mention Pennsic was amazing?
I started watching firefly, another amazing Joss show, and I'm in love. It aired in 2002 but my sister had it on DVD and let me bring it home. Now that I'm done with Buffy, somethings got to occupy me. I leave for Cape Cod on Saturday, which should be good. I'm hoping. Things have just been tough lately with the going away. I can feel the time slipping through my hands, and I hate that feeling more then most. Its like I know when I come back they'll be a week left until school. And even though part of me is looking forward to it, I am a teenager, and well, I'm not exactly throwing a happy fit. It does bring school shopping, which would be exciting if it didn't cost money.
And of course, my boyfriend and I are still going strong. =)
So what gives?
I just want to know in advanced...whats school going to bring?
I'm going to see people I haven't talked to in a while, some by choice and some simply by distance, and I'm probably going to be a tad bit different. What can I say, they last two years haven't been my grandest, but I've certainly learned from them. The problem is that theres nothing in this year to look foward too, nothing that makes me want one more day to go by, except the lack of crazy crowded schedules. Makes it difficult to see people, esspecially male people, or rather male person, as in chris. But school brings the possibility of making that worse, plus work and homework and did I mention that I have a lot of reading and essays to do in the next two weeks? Just saying.

But maybe all I'm really doing is worrying. And whether or not theres anything to worry about, worrying is a waste of time. Because really, in the long run, it doesn't help either way.

So I guess that's that. I have a feeling I'll be blogging more, this was fun.

I'm sorry!!!

2008-07-22T11:12:00.002-04:00

I never blog. Its official. But, seeing as I apparently do have readers, I'll get on that. =)

Pennsic is so soon, I can't wait! Its going to rock. Oh, and for those who asked, Quest is a smaller version of Pennsic, which is the place that I go to do my medieval renactment kind of things. Its basically a camping vacation only I wear garb.

Life is moving along. Chris is the best boyfriend I could ask for, and the only yucky thing is that I don't see him that much. But I guess I shouldn't complain. After all, I do see him at church and stuff. Church is, well, mediocre at best. I just hate all the stupid issues that consume everyones mind. No one remembers why we're there. Its that simple. If everyone could just process the real reason they're there...then things would get better. Its so hard to watch a place that should be filled with God's love be filled with human hatred. Its a dying breed, the pure Christian.
I guess I'll have to keep praying.

Warning: Blogging Network Down

2008-06-04T06:00:00.002-04:00

Its been a while. No one has been blogging, its not just me who's slacking, but still I feel its a good time to update everyone who actually takes the time to read this. Which could easily be no one. So...last weekend was the band trip to Cedar Point Ohio. Talk about a long bus ride...but the coach buses were nice and I got to spend most of it with one of my best friends. The band performed and got a gold ranking which was a welcome relief after going three weeks without playing the pieces once. That's right, there was no practice. But more importantly the trip to Cedar Point on Saturday was incredible. I walked into the park completely scared of roller Coasters and walked out of the park having conquered the 120 mph straight up, straight down 410 foot Top Thrill Dragster. All thanks to that wonderful band teacher of mine. It was amazing, I can't wait to do it again.

Quest was amazing as well, even though it was before the band trip. I had a lot of fun meeting people and was not nearly as shy. :) I even made friends!! Both of which I am still in contact with and having a lot of fun. So that's my update for now...off to school. WOO HOOO. Just kidding. I don't really love school. But I do love that there's nine days left. And that's counting today.

Formal was amazinggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-17T22:44:00.000-04:00

I'll post pictures later...I'm really tired and, well, far too lazy. I've been working all day with Chris and family and stuff (I know, me, productive, its rare.) But it was actually not that bad so I'm good. :) anyway, formal was incredible. Seriously, I never let myself have fun at dances, but I actually danced this time. Hahaha. Anddd....SATURDAY IS QUEST. Ohhh yes, I'm that cool.

:)

Fake Nails and Formal.

2008-05-16T06:31:00.002-04:00

Tonight's the long awaited formal! Yay! I'm so excited. Sure, theres lots to do and about...four minutes left until I go to school (to which a lot of you are probably saying "then get off the computer!") but it's going to be amazing. I'm determined. Theres 11 people coming to my house, six girls and five guys. Obviously, the guys are coming ready but the girls are coming straight after school (its a half day!) and we'll pretty ourselves up a bit.

I'm risking the four hour sit on a wooden stool and going curly again. :)

Anyways...just thought I'd update you all. I have my fake nails and dress and shoes and the rest will hopefully just happen. <3

LOVE YOU ALL. YAY FOR MY FIRST DANCE WITH A REAL DATE!

yes, yes, I'll post pics.

Complications. The good kind.

2008-05-10T19:39:00.003-04:00

Awesome day. Ugly was here, uglier couldn't come though. We also had another scrapping guest. : ) I finished my Pennsic album and my Murder Mystery Party Album. So, I was fairly productive. And I learned a lot about Pennsic. Kings and Queens and Barons and Baronesses and Laurels.

It was fun. I feel involved. I even almost made connections.

Yay for out of school friends!!!

Thank you concert

2008-05-09T05:56:00.002-04:00

Yes, yes, the concert went well. I hit the high note, I had a fair amount of people there to support me, and I'm happy with the job we just on Las Amarillas.

Now. I'd like to post my schedule. Just get it out there.

Today:

Before School-stay off computer (obviously that didn't work). Do math homework.
1st-Math.
2nd-French. Do English Homework.
3rd-English. Do Bio Homework, take open book test.
4th-Bio.
5th-Band, cram for concert (its next tuesday everybody!!!!)
6th-Lunch! :)
7th-Meister's. Do Global Homework.
8th-Global.

**I'd like to point out that I do do my homework, its just there was a concert last night.

Thenn... I'll come home and:
-eat
-clean my room
-nap
-Chris is coming over

Okay. After that, my life goes....BAMMM. Just watch.

Saturday- Crop
Sunday- Mothers day
Monday- Lessons
Tuesday- Concert
Friday-Formal
Saturday-Cleaning out the garage
Wednesday- NYSSMA Majors
Saturday- Feast
Sunday- KT's engagement party
Monday- Parade
Friday (to Sunday)- Band Trip
THEN MAY IS OVER. WOOO.

I'd like to point out...theres only......23 and 1/2 days of school left. That just makes me happy.

What Is High School?

2008-05-06T16:02:00.002-04:00

Its simple, really. A worn out brick building that a group of adults decides to thrust a ridiculously large amount of human beings into at their most emotional and messed up stage in life. Then, in their infinate wisdom, they lock the doors for six hours and say "let's see what happens"

With that said, I feel like a real highschooler lately. Today was a field trip to Ellis Island (yay for an escape from the brick building) and it was intensly fun. We didn't really get to appreciate the actual historic part of the trip as much as we could of, but there was definatly a taste of the experience. More importantly me and my friends totally went crazy. I wish Kerianne had been there...it was so much fun! Inside jokes and pictures and naps and music and laughing and screaming and eating...and a soda machine and a chicken toy. Hence the Inside jokes. : )

I've been running all week of five hours of sleep a night, and its not even half over. But the best part is I'm surviving. In fact, I'm actually enjoying High School. If you take the drama with grain of salt, you can actually see the humor in most of it. And in the other stuff, you learn to roll with the punches. Things always get better in the end. If they're not better, its not the end. (yeah okay I can't take credit for that quote...but wasn't it a good try??) Formal is a week from friday. Chris is going. Yayyy! I got my dress and shoes...jewerly and hair TBA. Haha. I walked to K Starr's house yesterday, in barefeet, and ended up running home halfway through and walking back. Long story, don't ask. But basically my feet are all red and painful if I walk without shoes soooo its no fun. Hahhh no one accused me of being big on the common sense.

Upcoming plans? You'll be blown away. Concert Thursday Night. Crop Saturday. Concert Tuesday night. A week from friday is formal, two weeks from tomorrow is NYSSMA majors, and teh week after that is a parade for the library groundbreaking and Then the three day band trip. Memorial day weekend I have to help Sister dear at Quest (which is good, I'm seriously missing Pennsic stuff) and then I have my cousins engagement party the next day. Hmm...OH yeah I forgot I have another parade the day after teh engagement party and then I have rehersal for the graduation (band is playing as always) AND the actual graduation. And the three regents exams and math B final I have to take.

If you followed all of that, you'll see that I'm kinda busy. But after graduation its summer. Which consists of sleeping, enjoying lots of time with friends (and my boyfriend <3), Pennsic, cape cod camping (probably), going to LBI, and camping with chris (probably).

Soooo.....I have a strange feeling the rest of the year is going to zoom by.

But I'm enjoying every second of it.

Chugga Chugga

2008-04-24T08:29:00.004-04:00

Choo Choo! And we're off! After a great game last night (way to go Con Man!) me, my sister, my brother, my two nephews, and my mother are going to catch a train and head for the Adventure Aquarium. According to ugly, its been re-done, so I'm excited. :)

I can't wait to watch all the fishies! Yay fishies!

Anddd.....its almost time for Chris to come home!

Andddddd.....Jamie, you need to give me your site address once you post something so I can comment you!!!! <3 I'm so excited you got a blog!!!!!

I'll post fishies pics later. ><>

isn't my fishie creative?????

SpRiNg BrEaK!!!!

2008-04-22T15:34:00.002-04:00

Happy Spring everybody! How's life in your world? Mine is zombie-esk. I've been watching Buffy for like three days straight. But I'm getting pretty far....one of the Uglies will have to fork over season seven really soon. :)

I'm just stopping in. I suppose I'll be back in before spring break is over...due to lack of friends and boyfriend....but hey, who's bored? Who's lonely? Not me.

Love you guys.

Don't wanna fly if Your still on the ground

2008-04-15T16:39:00.002-04:00

Sorry its been so long! I started writing in a new diary and I've been really into putting pictures and stuff in it, so I guess my venting hasn't been going here. This Friday marks the start of our nine day Spring break, a break that I'm not actually looking foward to. Everybody is going away. My friends (yes, sisters, I do have them) are all going far away and Chris is going far away too.

:( I'm very upset and I already feel lonely. I'm feeling alot of junk food and buffy. On the plus side, Mom and I might go out shopping and I might stay over at Ugly's house, so at least I have a few plans.

In other news, my life has been pretty great. My friends are actually still drama free, and still super important to me. Yesterday made two months for me and Chris, and everything is going wonderfully. I'm so happy.

I'd love to write more, but I'm feeling kind of uninspired. So i'm going to go get pringles, turn on the TV and clean my room.

Love you all so much.

It breaks my heart to see how much you've changed.

2008-04-01T19:19:00.004-04:00

"What've you been doing lately?
Your life could use improving greatly.
I just wanted to know whats going on.
But everything that goes is going wrong.

Pardon me while I throw up
I guess some people never grow up
What happened to the salvation you claimed?
It breaks my heart to see how much you've changed."

~Relient K

It bugs me, I guess. I mean, if a church isn't a place for worship then really what is? There shouldn't be drama. On any side. In fact, there shouldn't be sides. It's supposed to be God and all of his children isn't it? Where are we going to be without those who mean the most to us? Its like loosing family members. My church means the world to me, but not because of the building. The building is just a building. The people in the building are my family, they're my life. How can we let these kinds of things happen? How can we just push people away? How can people hold on to so many things that it ends up destroying the entire idea of what really matters?

Better question. Why is it that it took my best friend (who happens to be a strong atheist) to remind me that no matter what, God is still going to be up there and all of this isn't going to change that. There in lies the point, people. That's what matters. Not who said what or who did (or didn't) do what. Its God's church. We are God's people. Fishers of men. Last time I checked, that means we bring in more people. Not chase people out. Wake up and be God's children, because this church means more then most people realize. Its small, but its changed lives. We've changed lives.

Please don't throw it all away. Because I don't know about you, but I'm not bailing on that church.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In other news....

I'm excited for Pennsic this year. I already know one of the dresses I want to make, and according to sister-dear its easy sooo that works out. I've been making lots of friends lately, doing really well in school and getting better in my music. I guess it just took some organization to get my life back on track. The rest of my week consists of a mock crash site tomorrow third and fourth period about drunk driving that is supposed to be pretty impressive and moving, alot of studying for french, a math test, a french test, a global test, an english quiz, and an essay to finish. Thats pretty much the basics, I think.

my weekend? hehehe. one word...okay four....IT WILL BE AMAZING. Between Friday night, and then my oh-so-cool weekend adventure that my oh-so-lovely sister is taking me on, I'm sure I'll have some raving reveiws. That'll be an interesting blog post. "My First Real Date and My First Time Birdwatching On A Beach In Cape May"

<3 love you all. :)

Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

2008-03-27T20:07:00.002-04:00

"Oh great you got me doing it now"

Yeah, well, thats just because you're around me. I'm contagious. Haha :).
So how is everybody? I'm pretty good. I might go to a Jonas Brothers Concert this year!! Thats so exciting. Not that I'm particularly thrilled about them...they're pretty good...but the whole idea of going to a concert is pretty amazing.

I'm a very happy person now, actually. I have awesome friends, an AMAZING boyfriend, and an incredible family. Things are going well. I changed my earings (in my third hole) and its so much fun! Haha that sounds stupid. But who cares?

OH and....uhhh....i totally forgot what I was going to say. Darn it.

Oh well. Now I've posted. yay me.

You do all things well

2008-03-21T18:19:00.003-04:00

I just went shopping...got spoiled yet again by the wonderful parents...and now I'm in a thoughtful mood. I'm not materialistic, really, I'm not. I just like to shop. I like clothing. But...there are so many people who don't have what I do. So to start off, I'd like to show that I really am grateful for what I have. The shopping, the room, the proerty, the dogs, my friends, chris, my church, my family, my relationship with God. Sheesh, I feel like its Thanksgiving! But really, isn't this supposed to be how we feel all the time? Arn't we supposed to be grateful? Cause we were created by a Lord who loves us because we're us. Not when we're good, not when we're praising him. He loves people who laugh in the face of the church. He loves people who spit on the bible out of pure distaste. So, fellow Christians, we're lucky we have this relationship. Yeah, of course we have doubts. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really in tune enough with God to be "saved". To earn my place in heaven. I mean, I love him. Obviously. I just don't feel like I put it out there enough. I have my share of sins, you know? I have a few people in my life I should probably be more accepting of, and a few people in my life I should probably be more forgiving of. I can be alittle to focused on me and my life at times, but not to an extreme. I'm not always responsible. I don't wear dresses that cover ninety five percent of my body and skip with school books and chipmunks or anything. I don't feel that I have to. I feel like I have to be me, and I have to be what I know God wants me to be, and I have to make sure that people know about my faith. I am fully confident that I was not put on this world to preach on the side of the road in a robe with a bible and little hand out bible verses. Thats great, but thats not where I am. I want to show people what it is to live Christ. Not beat the bible on the ground and threaten people with Hell. That bugs me, honestly. I don't think you have to be a die-hard Christian that goes to Church every sunday and takes the bible word for word to be saved. Its up for interpretation. God made us individuals for a reason. Why does God care what we call him? Allah, Jahovah, God, whatever it is that gets you close to the "higher power" that I happen to label God. I believe theres things we dont' know, unanswered questions that we'll just never find out on this Earth. I believe free will is a blessing, and by choosing to do good things you will be saved. I believe Jesus Christ is my savior and died many years ago today painfully on a cross. More importantly, I believe that he did it out of love. I believe that he was burdened with the Human Condition, and that he may even have thought about pulling out. He could have, to. Easily. God loved him, and God gave Humans the choice. Free Will. So he could've backed down, and lived the rest of his life normally. He died for us, guys. He chose to have his flesh ripped off his body and have metal forced through his skin and through his bones slowly, then feel his body hang off a few posts with a knife in his side and blood covering him. Thorns digging into his skull. He had the courage, and the faith, to do that for us. To save our souls by sacrificing his. He loves us, and deserves the same respect. But I don't think you have to give it to him by being a Bible beater. (ex. The Creation Museem) The bible is the best book of philosphy ever written. But thats just what it is. A divinely inspired book to live by. To go to, to learn from. What you get out of it is between you and God. Or you and Allah. Or you and whoever it is that you believe in (or lack there off).

On that note, I'm going to go to Good Friday service.

Thanks for listening.

Manic Monday

2008-03-17T05:50:00.002-04:00

Sheesh, I guess today I'm running on four hours of sleep and hot chocolate.

Stupid homework. Really, it gets nothing accomplished.

Happy Saint Patricks Day, everybody!

I got my puppy!! He's adorable. I don't think I've ever seen anything cuter in my life. Well, except maybe Brandy as a puppy. But supposedly he's going to get hugeee...his dad was 135 lbs.
I love him...little puppy with no name (because we can't settle on one yet.)

Meghan and I are kinda of dressed up today, which is fun. Black sweatpants which Dad and Georges kindly decorated in fancy writing and shamrocks. I had a good weekend, obviously. I mean, whats not to love? Puppy, hanging out with my boyfriend, hanging out with my sisters even if they were relentless......but i guess thats what they're for.

Off to school now with my homework half done...please Mr.Mark don't check the math....or at least, only check the first half.

Lots of love!

We're getting a puppy, We're getting a puppy

2008-03-13T06:11:00.002-04:00

Yay!!!!! I'm sooo excited. Saturday morning we're going to drive out and....well, according to dad, just "look" at the puppy. But I then ask why to just "look" at the puppy he's bring the right amount of cash to "buy" the puppy in his pocket. Just a question. Besides, anyone who knows my dad know's he's a total softy. There will be no pet the puppy then turn it down. Nope, its just not going to happen.

So there you have it. New puppy on the way. I'm just curious now as to how well it will go over with Brandy.....Hmmmmm.......

I'm so happy! He's adorable and he's going to be bigggg. Which is what we wanted. :)

Oh, yeah, other weekend plans.....Saturday night, probably hanging out with Chris.....Sunday my sisters are coming over....at some point I might have to meet up with Meghan....maybe that'll be the Friday night play.

Happy Thursday, everybody!

Life's A Rollar Coaster Ride

2008-03-11T18:56:00.002-04:00

So lets put on some comfortable shoes and scream our lungs out! Good advice, if I was capable of taking it. Heh. Well, I guess I'm just concerned about my voice. Ever since I got sick its been...mediocre, at best, and I think its because I'm scared of it. Which would be really nice to get rid of but then I think too much. So now I'm struglling to hit an E when normally I go wayy higher then that. It would be much appreciated if I could get over that now. :( But I'm hoping it will go away soon. I shouldn't worry too much about it, right? I mean, its only NYSSMA solos coming up.
In other news.....hehe.....I guess I'll have to wait on this one to confirm or dad will give me some form of death glare but lets just say I'm really excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And really happy. Cross your fingers, even though you don't know what it is I'm talking about.

Lots of love to all of you.

P.S. in case you were curious I am on the downstairs computer and this keyboard is soooooo nice I love it I want it forever. Except I like my laptop keyboard too. <3

I've got to move on and be who I am

2008-03-10T15:15:00.003-04:00

Lights...Camera....ACTION. And its over. Poof, just like that, the long awaited way-too-many-things-to-do weekend has come to a close. Thank the lord. It went well, though. Even better then I thought. So, saturday morning I woke up at.....seven, I think. I wasn't planning on getting up, but I was half-asleep as I read "the bus is almost here and chiara and marc-anthony arn't here yet. i don't know what to do". By the time I finished, I wasn't asleep at all anymore. I imediatly went into "calm down kerianne and hope for the best while panicing silently" mode. But it all worked out, they ended up there just on time and the bus left with everything they needed.....well, except the process paper and bibliography. I mean, why would things go perfectly as planned? Where is the excitment in that? So kerianne calls me in another panic and i put on a pair of not so good rain shoes over my baggy PJ pants and throw on a huge sweatshirt and dive into the car to go to kerianne's and email her the paper. By the time I got there, she had gotten a hold of her mom and the job was done, so I went back home and emailed the process paper off my laptop. It didn't help, they discovered they had no printer. So (only after Mr. Rauschenbach's approval) they told a slight white lie and kerianne's father braved the rain to drive over an hour and bring them the copies. I then called Chris, who had found out the night before that he was going to meet my entire family the next day. I called his house and Jeanne answered. I asked to talk to him, and she said "well what would you do if i told you he was still in bed?" I said "i'd tell him to get his but out of bed because we have to go soon." So she laughed and forced him onto the phone. I felt like his mother, waking him up and making him get out of bed over the phone. Then I went and braved the yucky next door shower so Aunt Jeanette and Locke could shower over here. When we were all ready we went and picked Chris up and then we were off. I'm going to fast foward the stop to the deli, the packing of food, and the car ride full of music and admiring Aunt Jeanettes southern accent. When we got there, I started introductions, and he looked overwhelmed as I expected. But he survived, made many good impressions and even lived through my sister's loud spurts of laughter. Can I just say that I love my family? Anyone who knows how crazy I am would realize that I fit in around them, so I do get it from somewhere. After the party, we went back to my aunt's house. Chris, my cousin sean and my uncle richard sat and played guitars for a longg time so that was awesome. My cousins tackled me and twisted me and flipped me and i kicked them and we all laughed and it was sooo much fun until Joe and Sean joined in, so I bailed. call me crazy, but they're BIG guys. I'm little. Haha. Then we left there at like....almost eight that night. When we got home there was a big storm going on so Chris came with us cause no one was home at his house. The power was out, which is one of my favorite things in the world. We lit all these candles and listened to the wind and it was perfect. My dad was tackling the dog on the floor, mom was laying the recliner and me and chris sat on the couch. Haha it was pretty awesome. Then aunt jeanette called cause she was lost cause of detours so we had to get her home so Chris ended up going at like eleven or eleven thirty. Then me and dad went exploring cause he's sooo curious to find the problems. When we got home everyone hung out in the living room in their PJS, and i fell asleep. At like one in the morning mom woke me up to send me upstairs cause the power was back on. So then I woke up early to bring Aunt J and Locke back to the airport and on the way I stopped at the church just to drop things off. I was really fast, and I felt bad cause I just ran by everybody and left. Then i jumped back in the car and we were off. When we dropped them off there was a huge hug fest, hugging everyone (probably twice, it got crazy I couldn't tell) and then we all laughed at how stupid we must have looked and ended up hugging the car. People were definatly staring. (By the way, if you stayed with me so far thanks! I won't ramble too much longer.) Then we went back home and Mom and Dad turned right aroudn to go bring Grandma's car back cause Aunt J borrowed it while I stayed home and did my homework. Then we rushed (late, as usual) to the church to join the train of cars of all the people I love from my church to go ice skating. It was better the rollar skating because I can actually ice skate. Even Chris was alittle shaky, I was so proud. I want to go again like right now. So that was alot of fun, and I hung out evenly with all the people there. I even kept total cool when Chris's oldd ex girlfriend was there. Haha, I actually don't really care. But it was kinda funny. So the we ate and hung out and then everyone left but em and her friends and mike and kelley and us so we went out for pizza. By the time i got home at like nine that night i was sooo tired and I did my homework and talked to Chris on the phone and don't remember like any of it. I was sooo braindead. So that was my crazy weekend, thanks for listening! Lets hope next weekend I dont' have to run aroudn quite as much....though if meghan comes over on Sunday and convinces me to put green streaks in my hair and get dressed up for St. Patricks Day my weekend could get really interesting......hmmm....we'll see how that goes.......<3 Lots of love!

Arghhhhhhh

2008-03-04T05:41:00.002-05:00

Woke up this morning tired as usuall.....with a really bad taste in my mouth. Forced myself to get into the shower and BAM. I haven't felt that sick in so long. I was totally out of breath and couldn't catch it, my stomach felt like it was exploding, my legs went numb. I ended up just sitting in the middle of the shower cause I couldn't stand up. Thats the third time in a week something along those lines has happened. If I'm getting sick, I wish it would just happen already.

On a lighter note, Kelly commented my myspace pics, I'm not going to school tomorrow, I don't have to swim in gym class today and I got a 96 on my first Junior-level-math test!! One that most kids got an 85 or below on!!! I was proud.

Oh, and I'm doing "Summertime" as my NYSSMA solo this year. Not my choice of song, but its high, and its a level six, so thats good at least. I'll show Mr. Clark I can hit a B. I ain't no Soprano Two.

Just a minute more....

2008-03-03T05:40:00.002-05:00

.....isn't that always the answer for sleep? Just one more minute, you obnoxious little alarm clock. Well hey, I don't honestly think it'll do me any good. I'm so throughly exhausted its ridiculous. Good thing I'm taking wednesday off, or I don't know what the heck I would do to survive this week.

I can't really talk about it, cause I have to get ready for school, but I went to Chris's Saturday night. It was amazing. Really, I had the most awesome time......watching the movie. :)
No, but really, even just talking to him is totally awesome.
Okay I swear I'm done being an obsessive girl now. Promise.

Off to schooll.......lucky me. Hrumph.

This is the best thing

2008-02-29T05:57:00.003-05:00

Sorry I haven't been on in a while, I've opened numerous boxes to write new posts....just don't have much to say. Hmm...well lets see, I'm about to go to school (yuck) and take a biology test but I'm really not that nervous. I just want today to be over though, I'm so bored with school. I gotta get back on track. I have to clean my room, which always throws me off, and do my homework RIGHT when I get home unless otherwise forced. I'm so glad NHD is going to be over soon. Its just getting so difficult, with all the clay I have to do which isn't going well. I have to get uncle sam done before Wednesday. Its manditory. Otherwise, they'll have to live without a little clay army next saturday. I am so disorganized lately because my folder fell apart and papers are ALL over the place. Oh, and Mr. Caliendo asked me to help him out at parent teacher conferences on march......12th, i think, so that should be fun. He is definantly my favorite teacher this year.

Oh, in other news, (yes I know the risks) I got a myspace finally. I know how it can be bad, but you can be safe about it. ALl of my friends had them and its pretty fun i have to admit. Besides, according to myspace I'm fifty two years old and live in.....west milford new jersey. :) So no worries. But its fun to be able to finally have an answer when people ask for my myspace. I can be popular!!! Haha.

<3s and Hugs and prayers for my sisters!

Life today

2008-02-25T14:37:00.003-05:00

Okay, so first off, politics. Oh my goodness. Is it just me, or is Hillary getting ridiculous? If you're a Hillary fan I'm sorry, please leave your opinions if you so wish (in a nice manor, it'd be appreciated) But really, between "Shame on You" and "The skies will open" I just don't understand why people would vote for her. She started off well, she had some decent ideas, but now she's just desperate. Obama's winning and her (and her husband...I still think he just wants to relive his glory days) know it. They'll knock his campaign in as many ways possible. I want to say "okay and if thats how you handle things you don't like, stand up and bash them, then why do I want you as president? Is that what your going to do when a political power from another country says something you don't like?" Its immature. It shows nothing but weakness.

In other issues....I'm a happy person! :) I have awesome friends, good grades (I think), and as always a great family. Chris came over last night and we watched "The Guardian" with my parents. Thats an awesome movie. Oh and I made him go through Seventeen Magazine and rate girls, that was pretty funny. It was a really good night though, esspecially when me and mom broke into "Master Of The House" from Les Miserables and he didn't run away! Haha if that didn't scare him away I don't think anything will. But he hasn't met my sisters yet.....

Anyways, homework to do and lessons later and clay later and food to eat....wait, what do you mean there are only seven stinkin' hours left?????

Jammies and Books

2008-02-22T12:13:00.003-05:00

This is why I love snowdays. And why I force myself to do all of my gruling homework the night before even if I know that there will be a snowday. Because now, I slept until eleven, I woke up and squashed any plans for National History day because of the horrible road conditions and lack of things to do that counld be done individually, like the eight clay people I have to make. My little clay political cartoon army. So we all promised to do things on our own time, we all have a job, and we're going with it. Its better this way, in my opinion, because I feel like I need a chill day and besides we'll get just as much, if not more done for the NHD occasion in (gasp) two weeks. Other then the time I spend sitting at the coffee table working clay magic (haha) and watching TV I'll be reading, cleaning my room (something I actually enjoy at times), possibly some Buffy or Kyle XY, and probably some phone conversations later on. I'll eventually go outside, I made that promise, cause its so pretty and I haven't spent enough snow time this year. Maybe a walk, maybe some genuine five-year-0ld fun, who knows. Anyway, I'll be warm and cozy with hot chocolate afterwards, and I just can't wait to make this a comfy all nighter of no responsibilites and lots of relaxing.

Snap Crackle Pop

2008-02-21T06:30:00.002-05:00

Pops concert tonight at seven o'clock. All are welcome, so you know. Its not the last concert of the year...in fact I think there are two more...so no worries if you can't make it. They'll be moer oppertunities for you to see us ~~suck~~ do our best.

Really though, its worth seeing. Meisters is going to be fine, I'm fairly confident, but concert band....hmmmm....not so positive. Could go well. Could go really bad. Lets keep our fingers crossed. :)

Thats all for now, I'm off to school.

Is anyone else really tired today, or is it just me?

I love this crazy tragic sometimes almost magic awful beautiful life

2008-02-20T05:55:00.002-05:00

I'm alittle stressed. Today, I have alot to do in school, in classes and in between, along with band and meisters dress reherals on stage fith period, seventh period and after school. I have alot of homework already and I haven't even gotten today's yet (my teachers are on a pretty big homework kick right now) and I have to re-take that math test tonight too. Tomorrow isn't going to get any better, cause I have to actually be IN the concert. Anyone who's been in one knows what I'm talking about when I say it doesn't matter how involved you are in it (though I'm fairly involved) or what music your singing/playing, its really exhausting. Just totally full body exhausting. Oh, and I have to make eight clay people in...two weeks. For National History Day which I can't even attend because I have to sing at my Grandfather's 80th birthday party for family and friends, some from out of state and everything. Even better, I have no clue what I'm singing. Not a clue. Oh, and I have NYSSMA solos soon too, no idea what I'm singing for that one. Thanks for chosing an oppertune time to get sick Hanson. And now I'm supposed to leave in twenty nine minutes....which means take the towel out of my hair, do some form of make-up, something with my hair, and throw on socks. Forget food. Who needs food?! Not me.
Sheesh!

Keep the lights on

2008-02-19T15:07:00.002-05:00

So, theres this show, and its awesome. Amazing. Really a show that is honest to what life is like. The characters are believeable, and very relatable. The stories are life like, and intense. It can literally make your emotions change, and help you see who you are. So please people, this is good TV, don't threaten me with taking it off the air! What are you going to replace it with?! "My Dad Is Better Then Your Dad"? No thanks, I'll read a book.

Theres not that many worthwhile shows out there anymore.

Prolonging The Inevitable

2008-02-15T20:20:00.002-05:00

So, yesterday was Valentines day. For all the curious, yes he asked me out. It was adorable. I'm very happy. But...if you really want to know lots, you'll have to find me in person. :p

In other aspects of life, I'm pretty content. I have awesome friends, I really do. I love my friends so flippin much!! Caitlin is is florida this week, I'm very jealous. She keeps texting me about how she's in Magic Kingdom and such. But she promised me to bring me back a stuffed eeyore so I'm happy. I spent the day with Mom in the mall, getting highlights and my third hole in my ears. And getting a cute shirt for tomorrow, which i totally love. Its pink, a rare occurance for me, but its definatly not In-Your-Face cause i reverted back to my favorite color...grey haha...to tone it down. Definatly laid back and appropriate enough for Valentines day dinner at my church with my boyfriend (hehe its offical!). So, I'm excited. It should be alot of fun...minus the whole cooking/touching other peoples food. Eww! I'll never be a good waitress.....hrumph.

The biggest news of the day would be Grandpa's broken ankle. Not to worry, its really not a big deal. In fact, the story that Grandpa and Uncle Richard tell about how it happened is hilarious. See, with all the ice, Grandpa decided that to be involved he'd move the cars so Uncle Richard could shovel. Apparently Uncle Richard started out shoveling wrong...something about rocks into the garden...but it resulted in the usual comical arguement between the grumpy old man who takes issue with the little things and the stubborn hard-of-hearing middle aged man who takes far too much pleasure and humor out of the grumpy old man's issues. Don't get my wrong, I love them both more then anything in the world, and Grandpa isn't really that grumpy, but he definatly has old man traits, like from a sitcom. So anyway they ended up making half-hearted nasty comments and flipping each other off with the bird. Great, right? So Grandpa turned around and Uncle Richard said watch the ice and bang he fell. Oh, wait, it gets better. See, Uncle Richard didn't hear him yelling at first. And when he finally did he had to take Grandpa's arms and pull him across teh driveway on his but until they got to a patch rough enough that they could get him up. I can just picture it. Easy winner of America' Funniest Home Videos. Now Grandpa is sitting at home being stubbornly indepentdant and lugging around a chunky hard cast that I decorated with Giant's Logos. I know, I'm just grandaughter of the year. :)
Anyway, just wanted to share one of the many quirky reasons why I absolutly LOVE my family.

16 visits! Woo-Hoo!!

2008-02-14T06:14:00.002-05:00

Thats right, be jealous. 16 whole people...different people.....visited my blog yesterday. Someone even came after searching on google! Using some...google thing I can see how many visitors I get a day, how much time they spend here, and what country they're from. Its awesome. Sadly, no visitors from other countries yet, but I'm really hoping to change that. I honestly don't have a plan...maybe they'll just come to me. But please, if your new, or even if you've been a regular, comment! It would mean so much.

Anyways, today is Valentines day. In case you didn't remember. A highly commercial holiday, I'm fully aware. But I'm not playing into that this year. Next year, chances are it will be a big deal for me, but this year, it'll just be a nice, relaxed day that I've been waiting for for a long time. I'll blog later, to keep you guys updated.

Lets see...on the more pesimistic front, today is a two hour delay. Something I really love finding out about after I'm up and showered and awake. But hey, gives me time to keep you guys posted, and have a nice traditional valentines day breakfast of choclates and cards and teddy bears with my family. And make myself look pretty. :). Oh, and I have this realllyyyy bad average in Math, which is totally killing me, and I had a make-up test to take that could change my average. Last week Mr.Mark says "Come to me towards the end of next week and I'll make up the test" Okay, thats great, so since its a four day week I figured I'd talk to him...Wednesday. Shoot. That was yesterday, the snowday. So now I'm like panicing, because its a two hour delay which means short periods which means I couldn't take the test during them, so that would be staying after which I can only do if he can do...oh, and did i mention, i forgot to study. Hehe. Woops.

Snow Day Ponderings

2008-02-13T13:53:00.002-05:00

So...its a snow day....woo hooo.....

Okay I'm really bored. I don't feel like I usually do on snow days....happy, wanting it to last forever, blah blah blah.
I mean, I do...I don't want to be in school or anything...but at the same time...
I guess its alot of things. For one, I didn't finish my homework. Not because I forgot or didn't want to, but because I can't. I don't understand the french, I did the math to the point that I got it well, and there wasn't any other homework.
Maybe another part is that tomorrow is Valentines day.
I just...hmmm....oh valentines day. So many things I could say. Not enough time in my life or yours to say them. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow I suppose.

If you get the chance, check out the comments following chris's latest blog post. It'll definatly make you laugh.

I think this world is far too full of lies. Little lies. Lies that you don't even realize you tell on a daily basis. So what if it doesn't make a difference? The human condition is taking its toll. We've actually convinced ourselves its okay to lie if the situation is small enough. Yes, sometimes, lies are an okay thing, like the whole "keep your thoughts to yourself" or "surprise" thing. But...its such a web. Theres not an ounce of trust in the world for people anymore, and with good reason. I just can't stand lies. Watching TV, people attack people all about lies. Who lied when, where, how many times...its ridiculous. And frustrating. Why don't we just all stay home and make up our lives? We don't even need to worry about interaction anymore. Lets just make the whole flippin thing up.

Anyway, thats my rant for today. Oh by the way I put a really good Relient K song in on my blog...its right on the right there...so if you feel like it, listen to it, its definatly accurate.

100th post!!!!

2008-02-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

Its my hundredth post i'm so excited! haha.
So church this sunday was amazing. Want to know why? Cause Chris kissed me.
And man was I missing out. He's such a good kisser haha. But if my sisters really want to know they'll call or comment or w.e. I'm not going to go into tooo many girly details but it was like perfect. Perfect perfect.

Anyway....In other aspects of life not alot is going on. Me and my friends are....mediocre. Some better then others. I'm really getting over the past couple of months....kinda feeling like i need to look at who I am without other people, you know? Like who am I, what do I feel, and where do i stand, when I'm not being influenced by other people. Because I think on a personal level all these issues have made me really loose alot of things that I knew about myself, and self-esteem and stuff. I really dont' think I'm like a bad person or anything, I just want to get...re-settled into myself. If that makes any sense.

So how's life?

Just thinking...

2008-02-08T05:52:00.000-05:00

I don't think I'm going to audition for all county. I think its just too much. I dont' know the peice well enough, its alot of time to put into something that I didnt' even want to sign up for in the first place, and I have a really busy weekend. Not to mention march, when its going to happen, is going to be really busy as well. So I don't think its worth it. I feel bad, I never give up on things, but everyone always tells me I take on too much...maybe they're right. So as of now I'm ninety percent decided.

Guess what! Chris got a blog. You guys should all go read it now haha. (esspecially those pesky sisters of mine who are always too curious). Its Livin' Our Love Song. Not alot there yet, I'm trying to find a less boring layout, but he's a guy so he doesn't know what he's doing in the respect. Haha. Anyway, I'm running really late. This habbit of blogging in the morning is nice though, it really clears my head for the day. Talk to you all later! Lots of love.

High of 75

2008-02-07T20:15:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't it be nice if it was spring? Its like....winter is nice and all, but I'd love to wear some short sleeve shirts and be able to walk outside and smell the grass and the flowers under a bright blue sky with white fluffy clouds. It would be loverly. I don't know why I have spring fever so early. Its only early february. Didn't the groudhog say six weeks left? Hrumphhh.

Anyway, I'm gonna be stressed out the next few days so if I don't blog alot thats why. I have a playing test tomorrow and all county auditions and a whole lot of other stuff that I really don't want to do. Its what I get for the "over-involved" schedule I chose to take on. Silly, silly me.

We picked classes for next year today. I'm debating whether or not to take AP music theory....I'm already taking all my junior classes this year I might as well take a college course. hahaha.

Love you all! <3

bye.

Excuse me, but isn't this the way that things usually turn into something good?!

2008-02-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

School today. I'm running late, which is a total plus to my obnoxious morning. All mornings are obnoxious I guess.

Guys are clueless. It just needs to be said.

I love relint k, their lyrics are total therapy.

I want all you have to offer, really. I just...I guess I'm just feeling kinda lonely. Who wouldn't? Its a thursday morning, I'm late, and I have two playing tests today. One for flute and one for pic. Its great, cause I have practiced either in a week. It would have been a really nice day for a flash flood or something, god. Thanks for the support.

Other aspects of life? ehhhh. I know I'm being vauge but I really don't want to make and issue out of this. I don't want to come across as jealous or anything, I'm not. Its still....alot to take in, I guess.

The best thing that could be happening...

2008-02-06T20:34:00.000-05:00

...and i think you could agree the best thing is that its happening to you and me."

So I'm just sitting...listening...talking...listening...

Stories are fun. Stupid people are not. I hate stupid people. I am NOT a stupid person.
Anyway, I really don't have alot to say. I set out with alot to say and then I started being...reminded or thinking or something and it just went out the window.
So how's life?

if home is where the heart is

2008-02-06T05:31:00.000-05:00

Okay so everybody say good luck jess.....I can't hear you yet......

Fine, be that way. In that case I'll just explain why it is i need good luck. See, today, I have gym. Bad enough, I hate gym and we're playing volleyball and thats one of those "can't really hide in the corner well" games, so participation tends to happen. A rare occurence for me in gym class. I've mastered the technique of making it look like I'm trying without actually trying. So my grades stay up and I don't look like an idiot. Everybody's happy, Right? Nope, because today, not only are we playing volleyball which probably means I have to participate and maybe even *gasp* serve...chris is coming. Chris happens to have sixth period and on free, so he's going to come to my gym. He's also the athletic type. So basically, I'm nervous. And I know I shouldn't be, cause really, he's gonna like me either way and I really can't possibly look that stupid...okay so maybe its possible I look stupid. But I just don't want to make some big scene, as I've been known to do in volleyball, in front of him. It just doesn't fit in with the whole "gotta be attractive" thing. Makes for some butterflies in the stomach. Big butterflies that can't play volleyball well either.

Me and people...its a love hate relationship.

2008-02-04T20:36:00.000-05:00

Yup. Love hate. Hate love. Love then hate, then love again.
But right now I'm pretty happy. Very, actually.
The weird part is, I don't know why.

SuPerbowl

2008-02-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

Yay football.
Okay, so in all honestly, I have no idea what's going on in the game. At all. But god forbid I say that in front of my diehard Giants fan of a grandpa. I have to sit in the right place with the right apparel and right comments at the right times. Its funny, though. Besides, I get to spend alot of time with my family (like the newly engaged oh-so-cute KT and Joe) and plenty of time texting my girls Christie and Chiara. And Chris in like twenty minutes.
Oh, chris. Can I possibly ask for a better guy? I think not.
ANyway, i should go back before Grandpa catches me not paying attention.

Oh...great.....my parents have just donned matching giants santa hats and my grandpa is yelling at my uncle for eating cookies. I can't wait to dive back in. I know you are all jealous.

Lots of love.

Cheery? I think not.

2008-02-01T21:20:00.001-05:00

Sorry, and yes its over which is nice, but of course its not a totally drama free world and I can't be done with every issue in my flippin life. Anyway. I'm fine with you, however I'm not a happy person.
New issues, issues that have always been there, issues that'll never go away...I really don't know.
I can't even vent, I'm not sure what it is. Or who will read this.

:LOOU EWIC SOIEFD U
LSKDJF PWEIDGUS. JDUSIII KAMASCADO.

Yeah there ya go.

At least its all good with a few chance people, like chris. Anyway, maybe i'll write more later or maybe I won't.
Bye.

♥ ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥

To experience the bittersweet

2008-01-31T06:19:00.000-05:00

Not that thrilled for today. I think I offically hate people. Well, most people. Because no one knows you but you and then when people think they know you they tell everyone else how well they think they know you....and people buy into it. I hate that it doesn't matter what they say, nothing I say can change the way people think. Nothing can change the way people interprept things, or the way people hurt other people. And I hate it cause theres no reason for all the conflict. The past is the past, and everyone has done some pretty stupid things, but does that make people stupid? No, what makes people stupid is when someone begs them to understand that the other people are not right in what they say, no matter who they are or what they're saying, and yet they still don't listen.

When's the last time any of you took the time to listen, to hear me out?
To understand.
I hate that its over, and I hate everything that I did do wrong, but I didn't do this.

Party Pics

2008-01-30T12:37:00.001-05:00

Finally....

sorry they're late! It was lots of fun.

P.S. check out the picture of me and chris :)

I take it all back

2008-01-28T22:02:00.000-05:00

All that happy. I take it all back. I just do. I hate high school.
But you know what, I don't! Thats it. I don't. I refuse to hate high school. Theres always going to be things. I told myself I was moving on, and I am. I'm ready to be happy and have fun and have a good life. I'm ready to stop disagreeing with how others handle their problems.

I'm ready to be a bridesmaid in kt's wedding in november.

I'm ready to bring my date, then of almost nine months, with me and introduce him as my boyfriend.

I'm ready to enjoy every minute of high school and not give a damn what other people thing about me.

And I'm ready to go through my life in the best way possible, embracing all the drama I can with a large grain of salt.

Goodnight, all. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm perfectly....me.

"how much is too much to give you?..

2008-01-28T14:19:00.000-05:00

...well I may never know so i'll give until theres nothing else."

~Relient K
I love them so much, you have no idea.

Anyway, I'd like everyone to know I'm offically happy. Yes, up and down and down and up, but for now I'm just perfectly content with everything. Good friends, always someone to talk to, perfect guy, very happy. :)
I went roller skating last night with the youths (my church youth group). It was awesome, I love my church people. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. I mean, thats half of what church is for me. Take out the whole God thing and I still wouldn't be able to live without my church family just as a support group I guess. I love the quirks as much as I love their perfections. If you get the chance, look up "What I love about Sunday" by Craig Morgan. You'll get it.
Socially, life's going great. My issues with my friends are offically declared over...a huge relief. Water under the bridge, its nice to move on.
I stayed at Sandra's this weekend, and Michelle and Heather were there, along with mom later on. Yes, I should have seen it coming, but michelle and sandra badgered and wrestled me on the Chris things, until I kinda told some things about my new guy. But it was hilarious, them being all sisterly *cough mean cough* loving and everything.

Anyway, some TV to catch up on tonight and much chilling out to be done, so i'm gonna sign off for now. Much love and hugs.

Just A Quicky...

2008-01-21T09:42:00.000-05:00

Not a post....so read the one below it! (by the way, theres text under this picture, so if you can't see it highlight it and you'll see it.

Wood type: birch
Length: 10½ inches
Core: Unicorn Hair

get your own wand!

people have strange habbits, don't you think?

2008-01-20T22:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so, Meghan's party was awesome, lived up to the potential i talked about.
"That Guy" was there. Do I need to explain myself? I think not.

For the curious...

Am I single? Yeah...

Will it stay that way? Uhm, not likely.

Anyway, that party was amazing. I'd love to go back. Even with all the "whats his name (not the one i like, the one i went out with)" drama. But I'm not pointing fingers there. I'd love to elaborate, but i'll just post pictures later. I woke up sick this morning, so I'm dead tired and I still have math to do. :(

Sorry about the technical difficulties

2008-01-19T11:47:00.000-05:00

We're back. :)

Today is meghan's party, which has the potential to be very fun.
Potential is the key word.

Anyway, theres this guy.......

...nuff said.

<3s and Hugs!

From the lake house.

2008-01-13T14:27:00.000-05:00

This weekend I'm staying at Kt's lake house, which is cool. We went shopping last night and bought some awesome stuff, my once again putting my sense of style in their hands. Its cool, because they come up with some pretty good stuff, but no worries my style will alwasy be my own. Anyway, now I'm sitting in Kt's room while the world outside is a hectic vacum and cooking frenzy for the people coming at four. And I have some homework left to do, but I'm almost done which is awesome, don't you think? So I'm off to write a report. See ya!

I'm taking you with me

2008-01-10T21:26:00.000-05:00

So yeah. Today. Lousy. And okay. Mediocre I suppose. Cause, lets see, Persad was absent, which was nice because I didn't have to take the scale playing test/midterm. But of course I forgot my flute again so I didn't get to practice the scales tonight. So hopefully he won't be here tomorrow, or my lesson will be after fifth, or he'll cancel the playing texts til next week. Three options, I think my chances are pretty good. Still, was a semi boring semi obnoxious day. I have so much studying to do for next week, and then the week after is going to be no fun with the math regents. I just...hmmm...I think I've decided that I don't know what made this day good, because none of the issues are quite as blown over as I thought, though they are blowing over. The process is just taking more time then I thought....which is too much time and henceforth frustrating. Another mood killer is tension with my other best friend, which isn't nessicarily an issue but more a......ugh i really just wish we could ignore that and I hate this thing. But I take total blame, its not like I'm hurt or anything. And she's okay now, I hope. So to add I'm still exhausted and I just can't catch up. And I don't know if I'm going to the dance tomorrow even though part of me wants to a kinda of larger part of me doesn't but I would if I didn't have an obnoxious author study due. I can't do it like all weekend anyway, so I just....hmmm....this is all very confusterating. Its after nine thirty, and I'm really tired, and I'm ranting.

Do you want to know my thoughts right now? No, I don't think you do. But I'll tell you anyway. Heres my exhausted, confused and brain dead self thats surrounded by this cloud of dramatic...drama.....rant that I'm not thinking about at all but just typing.
WARNING: RUN-ON SENTENCES MAY OCCUR!

Okay so I think that this whole earth is like an entire planet of life forms that live on drama. Yeah, okay, so drama technically isn't food and really can't like keep anything real alive so maybe we're all unreal. Some of out daily rituals are, anyway. I mean, really, who wakes up BEFORE the sun to go to school and cram? We're not going to get anything out of the first seven classes anyway. Because by the time we wake up we're too tired to get focused and then we're just.....you get it. So basically I have a problem with waking up early that makes me think the whole world is fake. Unrealistic, like the realistic world of unrealism. So now, I'm deciding the early people...i forget the scientific name for them, had it right. No electricity means no waking up early. So why does electricity change that? Just because I can turn on the lights early doesn't mean its leagal. Its not a legitimate move in my 3945 page rule book. Publish date, TBA. Not really. I'd rather act then write. Not that I have a choice. I'd rather sing then act. But honestly I don't have a chance at any of all three so I'm just going to pretend. Dream world, which we've determined is more realistic then the real world, is alot nicer. But how can it be nicer if its realer? Is realer a word? I mean, doesn't the fact that I used it mean anything? It's now on the world-wide-web, so guess what, I've decided that...what ever the word i just used was...is now a real world.

Told you you didn't want to know. Goodnight.

Its chapped stick, and Chapped lips and things like chemistry

2008-01-09T21:11:00.000-05:00

Life goes on, as I said. To all you who have followed my woeful saga, I'd like to tentatively say that I've...moved on.

...Now its late. I had lal intentions of this being a long post too. Ahh, well.

Your the only thing i want, cause your everything i need.

2008-01-08T17:32:00.000-05:00

Moving on from this weekend's....perdicerment....
Is quite a relief.
Of course, its still hurting and daily getting worse with these little details.
But I think its not about getting over it, its about getting on with it.
So yeah, maybe I don't feel any better, but I'm getting stronger. Besides, arn't you supposed to do something like that in high school?
I don't know, I must have read that in a book or something. :)

Forget Regret, Or Life Is Yours To Miss

2008-01-06T08:19:00.000-05:00

See, theres one little problem with that statement. Regret is all I have right now. Well, regret and anger and hurt and all that other stuff. But mostly, regret.
I know the people who this is about will probably end up reading it, and it'll either give them another reason to be mad at me or help them understand my side.
I'm hoping the latter, but who can say?
Anyway, its harder now then ever. I had a much needed talk with him, but much needed for me is different then what he needed I suppose. I gather this because as soon as I hung up, it was all over, and things were different then what we had talked about. I knew it would happen, doesn't mean I liked it, but I knew it would happen.
Then I talked to her. And that went well, I guess, because she's not still mad at me, if she ever was. Yet I don't know that she really understand what this is like. I don't know what I want to happen, but I know two things. They like each other, and thats the end of that, and apparently its my fault that he doesn't like me anymore.
All I did was try to be his friend. Didn't it occur that it might be hard? I feel bad, because I can be a big person and admit that I am at fault in this, huge fault even, because I didn't treat him as well as I would've hoped. It was getting better, but him being mad about it, I guess thats to be expected. Anyway, I thought last night we were friends again, or getting there, but I have no idea now. And yeah, I hope they're happy. I hope they have a wonderful flippin' life. But I really just..cried all friday night, and then Sandra came to my rescue on Saturday morning. That was wonderful, and hilarious (just so everybody knows, the Golden Compass does NOT start at 12:55). But once I got home, is was right back to crying. I haven't felt like this before, and I hate it more then anything. Because I feel miserable.
Its probably a good thing Sandra took me out of the house yesterday, because apparently they were hanging out all day at one of my other friends house's and that would've come to bit me in the butt earlier then it did.

Anyway, I could continue my woeful saga, but I have church.
Finish later.

misery misery misery misery

2008-01-04T23:01:00.001-05:00

Now its all a matter of....WHERE THE HECK DO I TURN?!

table talk

2008-01-03T20:28:00.000-05:00

Its wonderful, after a tough day and even tougher nights, to just forget everything and laugh. Laugh like your drunk, and about things that you know everyone thinks but would never say. Just like...a flat out laugh till you cry girl stuff talk.

Real girl stuff.

It was so much fun. I mean, granted, it was an NHD meeting. But NHD? Productive? Ahahaha. You have to be kidding.

take only photographs, leave only footprints

2008-01-02T14:58:00.000-05:00

So, it was back to the real world today. I don't think I like the real world much.
Here goes my rant.

Okay, so to start, I couldn't sleep last night. Then of course come the great, you have to get up early you need to sleep oh now i'm thinking about it i won't get to sleep ahhhhh i need sleep cry cry scream scream....okay minus the screaming crying fit. But we all know the feeling. This morning went relativly okay, except for some sadish feelings about going back to school and, well, other things. So I get to school and get pounded with ~~Mr.Mark~~ math, then third I had english where she jumped right back into the insane method that she has of assigning things and the random homework that just piles and piles....

But basically, it was okay after that. Until seventh period. When while sight reading some strange a capella spanish piece with the womens choir, bllod drips onto my hand. Great, just my luck, another flippin' nose bleed. To which i proceded to dive for the hall pass, totally blowing off trying to make a rapid excuse to Mr.Clark, and began my sure to be humiliating walk down the cafeteria hallway. Which just happens to be the only way to get to the bathroom. Of course, theres girls in the bathroom, did i expect anything else? An ounce of luck? Silly me.
Anyway, dove for a stall, and spent about twenty minutes making my regular niagra falls of a nose quit. Gross? No kidding, I was there.

I gave up on trying to look like nothing happened, and walked back through the hallway to the chorus room for the last ten minutes of the period. I figured my eigth period class would be easy, i mean, come on. Its a sub, the day after break. No worries, right?

Wrong. Again.

So the overly-perky sub bouces around chirping something about an attendance sheet, blah blah blah and the movie we're going to watch...blah blah blah. Eventually he stopped talking and turned the lights out, so what else would freshman do but start talking? And laughing and taking pictures with their cell phones and comparing ipods and being...freshman. Basically doing anything but watching the movie. Now I don't really care, I mean, its not like the movie from three chapters ago actually matter, but my stomach was empty except for blood which made it hurt like heck and everyone around me is being loud and talkitive and I wasn't exactly in a people mood due to...well, you know all that. Doesn't help that the one person in that class I might've talked to was busy talking to a couple of girls right behind me, and I don't know that I wanted to talk anyway.

So, because theres no point in even attempting to make today better, I will be on IM tonight while doing homework and possibly watching episode....seven I think i'm on, but maybe six.....of Kyle XY.

Life is good? Sometimes. But today, life stinks. I can't wait to go to bed.

Oh, well, okay. I do have one thing to look foward to. I get to sleep over at Sandra's soon, and then scrap, so that should be fun. :)